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My other half often uses humour as a weapon. I am finding more and more that something not quite inappropriate but not appropriate either will come out of her mouth. If I mention it I hear "you just don't have a sense of humour"
It is starting to get under my skin and I find I am walking away more and more. Sometimes I will say "when you want to play nice, I am willing to play, otherwise I am quite good at amusing myself."
Am I the only one??? And if not how do you all deal with this kind of behaviour??? Oh yeah, my partner is not the A in my life but I am finding more and more she sure acts like one.
Looking forward to ESH from all
lilms
__________________
Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
My Husb is not an A either, but he constantly does this... he is also embarrassing in public at times... doesn't know when his humor is simply inappropriate...
I think he uses it to cover up his insecurities...??? He is always telling me, "You are the intelligent one... I'm just a dumb redneck..." (He is not a 'redneck', but a 'working-man'... but then, with his so-called humor, I have to wonder....)
I do not have a solution for this, wish I did... I know I cannot change anyone else... but GOSH, is it irritating!!!!!
What he's doing is called minimization. Whenever you have a feeling or a sense of "No, this is my boundry you crossed" your S.O is saying "Her feelings/thoughts/needs/et cetera don't matter. I am the source of the universe. Therefore, she needs to be shown how un important she is." So he comes up with off hand remarks that, to a casual observer are bizarre, but for you, press all the right buttons and are just off the wall. By saying "You just don't have a sense of humor" he's really saying "Your boundries aren't important, don't you understand? You're not me. You're not the center of the universe."
In other words, by making you feel small, you yield to his demands, resent yourself for letting him walk all over you, and question whether or not you're actually losing your mind. You're not. He's screwing with you by being dismissive, minimizing and negative.
My ex the A has a horrible temper and would go into tirades especially about me when son visited the weekends, so one day I asked son if dad still did that with his live-in girlfriend like he use to. Son answered Yes, she does not take it tho -puts him in his place when he is out of line. I asked he takes that? Yup, son said -he brushes it off with humor and makes a joke out of it.
My ex was notorious for making obnoxious jokes at the wrong times. He did have a sense of humor and was very witty from what I recall.
On another note, son went on to say that dad needs her, he needs someone to take care of him. To me this makes sense why he is different now. It was an interesting answer for me.
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Yup, son said -he brushes it off with humor and makes a joke out of it.