The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Finding I am a bit resentful for *still cleaning up after a functioning A in my life, my child's father who I am divorced from. There was much abuse involved. He uses the child and money as a weapon…
Because it is now going on 11 months since he has seen the child he has forfeited his right to the visitation every other weekend, I am due money for his share of the parenting time the child is in my care. Also plays major control with the child’s medical -telling doctors *I must pay the out of pocket first, I have seen these nasty letters to the dr’s I am very embarrassed to say the least. The dr’s do not care what the divorce agreement reads they only want the $$$. Now mind you when I do pay upfront he will never ever reimburse me. The teen also needs his wisdom teeth removed, that is a huge amount to pay out first. The last time I paid an out of pocket expense the insurance company had reimbursed him because it is his insurance he waited until a week before we went to court to pay me back (close to a year) Our son should be taking SAT prep classes another huge expense – you get the gist.
He lives a lavish life, has a live-in girlfriend of five or so years that he treats well. Never misses a day of work and makes well over six figures. No other children or responsibilities.
Here is the kicker, we do not speak –at all… He flat out refuses. He use to only speak thru the child (which I never did) or have his mom or gf call me. I have been always civil. I have sent letters certified return receipt to inform him of important information –they come back unsigned for. So I am basically forced to take him to court… Mind you he is the one with the great powerhouse attorneys.
I am the responsible one I feel I am still being the doormat or the accountable party. I am so very grateful I have my child, love being a mom and feel proud of my single parenting so far despite this all. One thing that helps me is saying it’s the disease not *him. Ok so as the saying goes sober up a horse thief and you still have a horse thief -then he is just that, except he is not a horse thief, a manipulative deadbeat is more like it. Almost seems if I say it is a disease he is getting off easy for his actions or lack there of.
Mind you if he only did right by the child, even *if playing dad not is simply beyond him, then pay for the child so another person can raise him properly and *not kick them while they are trying to do so (doctors etc) I feel that I was just dropped with this child so he can go on his merry way and spite me in the process. Does not ever care it’s really the *child.
So here is my plan, I plan on holding the alcoholic accountable and yes this means court again. No, not easy, I will need to argue for a different judge this time and proceed pro se.
I will be clinging onto this program for dear life and some much needed serenity.
I feel anxious just writing this yet relieved it is off my chest.
I don't have a lot to say. Just wanted to let you know we are here to support you. And that I am proud of you for trying to do what is right for your child.
You know you are in my prayers. Sometimes this life just isn't easy -- when we can't go around it we've got to go thru it. I think we pick up a little more strength and serenity as we do. Hang in there.
You are such a good Mom. Your son is lucky to have you. You two make a great team. I know you will do the right thing. You always have.
I would have so much resentment and anger in me, that I'm not sure that I could do what you do. For that you have my admiration. Do what you have too. We've got your back dear friend. We're behind you 150%.
Love and blessings to you, your son and Scout!
Live strong,
Karilynn, Hubby and Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
When I was in your shoes with my EX-husband (total creep drug addict and alcholic also making six figures...sigh) I decided it was easier just to cut ties with him and basically starve. He never paid a single penny in child support, not a dime. He had a cadillac and I had no car and was walking to the grocery store every day with baby in a stroller and had to put loaves on bread on top of the stroller canopy, resting on her head, and she had to hold soft things in her lap (like boxes of cereal) I probably got my carpel tunnel problems by slinging two other plastic bags (double bagged) FULL of heavy stuff over each wrist while I pushed the stroller home. I can laught about it now, but it was no laughing matter back then.
I could only afford to turn on my heat to 45 degrees so the pipes would not freeze and we would sleep on my mom's couches during the winter, LOL, I would rush home and get a few days worth of clothes every few days and bring them back to my Mom's house. I lived like that for years!
I am not sure I did the right thing. My mom helped out with bare essentials so my daughter never starved, but we sure had a lot of tuna salad sandwhiches for dinner with PB & J sandwhiches for dessert, LOL.
Many times I wish I would have had enough gumption to go after him, but I didn't...sigh. My hat is off to you for having the guts to go after what is rightfully yours...and your sons. No one should have to live the way I (and my daughter) did.
U go girl! Just keep your focus on a good result/goal, not the middle stuff :) You are like the Little Engine That Could..lol I think I can, I think I can!
Great idea to seek a different judge.
love ya Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Tea - I am right where you are, except mine won't get a job! The boys and I talked and we decided we would just just do it without him! If we ever see a dime great, it will be icing on the cake. I will not sit and spend another minute worrying about him. I took back my life and I am keeping it. I am starting a home business and taking charge of my life and my own destiny. I try not to look back.
Hugs, Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I know you will do the right thing. You always have. 
