The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been on much since Saturday. We had a packed day at church on Sunday.
Monday I was putting the final touches on a going away party that I had planned for my co-worker, who is also my best friend. She and her family are moving to Michigan. I haven't posted about it because I haven't allowed myself to accept it. I haven't allowed myself to mourn. I know this isn't the end of the friendship, and that we will keep in contact. I am just mourning the fact that I won't get to see her everyday. We met at work over 4 years ago, and slowly a really great friendship developed. Today I call he my best friend, and we freak our supervisor out with how close we are. LOL, he calls us Laverne and Shirley because many a time has he observed a conversation where she and I were talking in like half sentences and were finishing eachother's thoughts. He just shakes his had and walks away. He lets us laugh and joke around, because he knows we are working. There was this one time that we were being really quiet, both really focused on what we were doing. He came out of his office to check on us, lol just like you do with kids. When kids are too quiet, you know that they are up to something. He comes in and asks what we are doing, and she and I and our other co-worker were all working on our computers. We look up at him and all three say "Working" at the same time. He says this isn't how you all work, He let us have our fun and often joined us in our laughter.
Her party was great, we had a fiesta themed pot-luck. And I put together a scrap book for her to take with her about her time here. It was a beautiful send off.
And now here I am at my desk and today is the first day in over 4 years I didn't have her to say good morning to. And I am devestated.
I have had a really hard time forming bonds with women, seems my picker is also broken for choosing friends as well as mates. She was my only none alanon friend who never put him down, and never questioned my choice to stay with him. And I did the same for her with her boyfriend. She never used me, but we did things for eachother. When my car broke down she got up extra early to take my kids to daycare and bring me to work, and this added another 45 minutes to her commute, on a bad day her commute is 5 minutes. She did this for a three days until her car broke down on the way to work, our supervisor laughed that we were both late with the same excuse (he knew she was giving me rides). That day my car was fixed so then I was able to pck her up on my way in to work. She did that for me because at the time I didn't know the bus routes and such to get myself to work at the time. And we had to argue about my reimbursing her for gas. She argued that I never took money. But she lives in the town that I work in and literally her house is not even a half mile out of the way when I am coming in for work. Why should she reimurse me, if she did where is she going to get half a cent.
Another time she had an unexpected car repair and if she paid it, she wouldn't be able to buy groceries for her family for two weeks. At that time hubby and I got an unexpected check. So I offered to take her to the grocery store, she asked me how much she could spend, and I asked her how much she needed. She told me and I said no problem. So she starts shopping and then I started noticing what she was buying. And I stepped in and asked her is she would be offended if I made a few suggestions she said that she hated cooking hated grocery shopping and would love some help. I on the other hand love to cook and if I don't have my kids with me I spend hours at the grocery store comparrison shopping. She got more food than she expected and spent less money than she thought she needed. So then we started grocery shopping together. I had fun because I wasn't alone and she was happy because her food budget stretched further. And when she paid me back the money I loaned her, I had just found out that I needed to replace a tire and was trying to figure out how to pay for it, and she brings in the money that she borrowed, and it was enough to cover the tire.
So not only have we had a great friendship, but I believe HP has blessed it.
Thanks for letting me vent. I came on so that I could respond to some posts since I have fallen behind and when I started reading posts I just felt negative, and did not feel in the mindset to respond. Feel a little better now, thanks.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I am sure you two will keep in contact very regularly?? Still not the same as having her there every day... I know you will need time to grieve this.
Just know, though, that you are blessed to have had her there... at work, no less... Gosh, I wish I could have had a work relationship like that. My last job I did not 'fit in' at all.. I am more of a direct-patient-care type clinician, and was working in the business end of the medical field. My immediate co-worker who shared my office never let me forget that I was not a 'businesswoman at heart', not for one minute. Then I was promoted to a direct-care field support position, and she pretended to be happy for me, but I could just feel the seething jealousy everytime I stopped in to my office in my scrubs and labcoat. I finally got 'downsized', and she was very pleased, to say the least. (Now I am pleased, getting an unemployment check every week, and enjoying the summer in my shorts!!LOL)
I guess I needed to read your post because I have some residual anger and resentment there still for her... I guess I need to work on that.
I have felt fear, after this experience, of "what's it gonna be like the next place I work at?" Maybe I will find a frined like yours.
How far are you from Michigan? I am in Ohio, and a 2 hour drive from Detroit. I hope you will get to see her again soon. Thank God for the internet, phones, digital cameras... but I know, it's not the same. You have the sweetest spirit, Dolphin, and it truly hurts me that you hurt.
hello dolphin , what great memories u have of your relationship with your friend. You maybe should have made a scrap book for yourself too. it will take awhile for this to pass and settle into reality but that okay u know what to do about that.
Try and think of it as someone to viist a new place to vist and explore . real friendships survive and are rare. Your very lucky to have her in your life and she you . And thanks to computors u can talk every day . Stay focused and This too shall pass. Louise
I know your pain, also. My best best friend moved to Texas about a year and a half ago, and she knew me absolutely better than anyone else. She never judged me or my relationship with A, and she was so caring and we had so much fun together. I know very well how hard it is to find a great friend like that.
Sometimes people pass into our lives and then have to leave, but in your heart you will always treasure your friendship - and you can still talk on the phone! Rose and I talk if not every weekend, every other at least, and of course e-mail a lot. Time will heal this separation, but in the meantime, I am sending you lots of love and hugs and prayers.... I'm sorry...
Mandy... your friend is likely moving on, because your HP now knows that you have grown and can handle this.... sometimes our growth is 'thrust upon us', not necessarily consistent with our own thoughts of timing, etc...
It would seem to me that you can both cherish/appreciate the friendship with your friend who is moving (and the internet/e-mail can allow that friendship to continue), AND you have the experience and skills to make new and wonderful friends again and again....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I live in Washington state, so it is quite a distance. But there is phone and email and letters and internet. I will just miss the ability to hop up and talk to her whenever I want. Up until 2 weeks ago (when she was training her replacement) her office was just behind mine, and we talked to eachother just about the whole 8 hours we were here, sometimes personal and sometimes work related conversations.
And Tom is right, I now have tools to help me develop healthy friendships.
I just felt like you all came through the computer screen and gave me a huge hug. So thanks.
Thanks again! I love you all.
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Missed you over the past few days, thought you must be making the most of your hubby's home coming!
Sometimes things like this...like friends relocating...and the pain of loss that goes with it are so hard to understand. Often it's hard to see the bigger picture and why we have to go through these things.
I'm sure HP has only the best planned for us really.
I know how hard it is when your friend moves away. My best friend fron kindagarten (I will refrain from telling you how long ago that was), moved to Arizona when we were in college. It broke my heart! Through the years she has moved to Italy and now back to California. With her husband in the military, who knows where the next post will be.
But through it all, we have been blessed. Some how, some way HP finds a way to bring us together. Usually through the telephone. There are sometimes when we know that one of us is having a bad day, and will call the other one. It's uncanny. As hard as it is, not to see her everyday, I know that she's there for me. The same way your friendshp will be there for each other. Trust HP it'll all work out. Besides you have a new reason for a vacation.
Love and blessings to you friend.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
He let us have our fun and often joined us in our laughter.
-pickup right where we left off, as if it was only last week we seen each other. 
