The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lets add sick to that. It hit me today, now i know what is making me not bounce back. I am sick. My tooth has hurt for weeks now. Have no dental insurance as medicare is all.
So I have a tooth infection, no wonder I keep having nightmares and waking up feeling crummy.duh.
Called around, I am on disability, if you don't have insurance a lot of dentists won't take you. no payment plans, and they want it all upfront.
The dentist I had for eighteen years is on vacation....this is when I was a sp. ed tutor for the school system and had insurance.
So I called my doctor to beg for anti biotics, told the nurse to tell him if he did not give me any, I was going to give myself shots of pennicillin from the feed store. lol he called it in.
going to have to give myself one shot tonight. Felt too sick to go to the pharmacy.
Anyway I was really concerned how A was affecting me and it was my tooth. sheesh. I mean, yes it bothers me, but not to the point of how I feel so awful. Have a fever, yuck.Sure am glad he has not called.
Kept telling myself if he calls, don't ask where he has been, don't tell him you are hurt he did not call, blah blah. haha It was like I knew I could not keep it together.
Did talk to someone who told me they saw him and he is straight and told them he is done with using anything. thats cool.
Hope I have a needle that is not pig/horse size. geez, those are like an 18 and I need a little 22 like for dogs.
It is weird, now I am not even thinking about the A and even feel happy sortof. Must be feverish and delusional.
My son called and told me if A came to his house to apologize and make amends, he will listen to him. I was happy to hear that. I am glad I raised forgiving kids.
So hopefully A is doing what he needs and is ok. I still have some hope he will call sometime.
thank you to you all for supporting me during this tough time.
love,debilyn who is ready to take pliars and pull out this tooth
So sorry about da tooth! Those toothaches can certainly mess ya up!
Your problem reminds me about something happened over here a while back. There is a guy I work with, and have for 19 years now, he and I have never had a single problem in all that time. A few months ago he started acting differently. Quiet, short tempered and just not his usual happy self. Me being me...lol...after it goes on a few days...I start trying to figure out what I have done to upset him! Sheese. But no matter how hard I tried...nope...I just couldnt come up with anything! But still....it's gotta be something I did!! ya know!!!!
Well finally one day, he calls in sick. Next day he comes back. He has had a toothache for days! Duh!!!! Ya mean it wasnt about me afterall!!!!!
Ole HP was just snickering at me again.
I hope you get relief for your tooth soon my friend!
((((Deb))))) wow, I could never give myself a shot! Talk about taking care of yourself!!!! You never cease to amaze me Deb!
Glad the dentist called you in some med. Hopefully that will do the trick.
You are doing great. After all that time being locked up, maybe A is just testing out his freedom, seeing what it feels like, and doing it straight. That is great.
I often wondered why my hub would rather be somewhere else than with me, but you know what, sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with him either. But that doesn't mean I don't love him. Guess that is why some people take separate vacations.
Keep trying to find a dentist that will take payments. Ask around to friends...I did that once...asked my friends which one took payments when I was in college and needed one. A friend, whose dentist took payments ONLY from long term faithful patients went to bat for me with the dentist, since a friend vouched for me and promised to pay him if I did not and then get it from me. He agreed, and I paid him faithfully. He thanked me and said he would be more willing to trust again. So, make sure you pay religiously on time if you find someone who will work with you. Better to go through a friend.
You are scaring me a little (OK...a LOT!) with using antiobotics from a feed store, it is probably not as sanitary as it should be to be INJECTED into the vein of a human. SIGH! I am sure you think you know what you are doing...but remember...you admitted to maybe being delusional and perhaps feverish...this is not a state to make serious health decisions in that involve injecting things into your own veins...
The injection part scared me the most...you said you were a teacher? I never heard that you were a nurse...
Debilyn, I know what it is like to be poor and desperate but please don't take foolish risks with your health. Turn to your friends, family, son, husband (Maybe a chance for husband to come to your rescue and feel needed somehow? A chance to play the gallant white knight on a horse? LOL), neighbor, ANYONE to loan you the money to get the PROPER health care. I am sure they love you enough to help, don't stand on foolish pride.
I know when you have been alone and on your own for a long time, you get that sort of "I can do it all and don't need anyone" feeling, but really we all need help now and then.
I wish I could help...but I can't right now...
Prayers for you to get the PROPER health care you need...
verrrrry funny isa!! Actually I am a vet tech, have been almost all my life. Can do minor surgerys and stuff. Could do it all if I had the equipment, life experience, and I worked with a vet, and I always go in to my animals procedures and assist.
so there. and of course the meds are as sanitary for animals as for humans! They have to be. silly lady.
thank you david for the story. It is probably good no one lives with me, but yet they would have said, hey you are acting like a poop, are you ok?
Thank you Becky, now that I figured out how come I am like this, I know what he is doing. I sure appreciate your input.
Oh annmarie I tell ya, the feeling sick is worse than the pain I think.
Just me thank you. I am doing my best, I am off for a mammogram and ultra sound. oh fun.
sigh wow I went over 1000 responses of service work!!! didn't even know. sigh must be sick
gotta find something to wear to go to the boob squish. what to do what to do. geez. love,debilyn who wonders what else the meds will clean up?? mess up???
So sorry about your tooth, it is horrible to have that, and to be a little feverish too! Hope you feel better soon.
As for A, I am glad to hear that you heard about him at least. I know that is so disappointing after he was so kind to you when you visited him. You have a wonderful attitude about it and you really give me strength. When someone says one thing and does another it just chaps my hide. I respect you and admire your gumption!!!
Ugh, tooth infections aren't fun. Had one back when we were living in florida. Someone told me to take a teabag, soak it in hot water and then stick it on the tooth that hurts. There is an ingredient in there that helps to draw the pain out. It worked! It's obviously not a cure for an infected tooth, but it can help with the pain until you are able to have the tooth taken care of. (I had to have my infected tooth pulled.) Using teabags (as needed) did get me thru the few days I had to wait before I got to dentist tho.
Love, Kis
__________________
Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I have tons of issues with the dental stuff too. I am about to embark on going to the dental school again. There are some places that do offer help to the poor there are usually some agencies someplace that provide for them. I am so sorry to hear your dentist is out of town.
I cannot imagine how abandoned and shut out you feel by the A's behavior. I do hope he is putting his effort into being sober. But he could call. They are very very self absorbed people.
I used to feel immense compassion for the A. His mother is a selfish totally self absorbed person. His brother is an addict. I have started to include myself in the equation. Whatever his issues are there is help available. He qualifies for the VA which is a tremendous resource. When he is sick, everything is taken care of, when I am sick, nothing is taken care of.
Lately I am at a place where I think being on my own is easier. I may as well be on my own. I work hard to channel my anger and fear and anxiety into plan B. And I no longer worry about what if's. The A has put me through so much I don't think there is room for much more fear. He already put me through hell.
I used to worry myself sick wondering what he would do next, whether he would end up in jail whatever. Now I don't. It is for him to deal with that. My days of compulsive rescuing are over.
I am so sorry the A is not around to take care of you. You deserve to have kind words, help and understanding when you do not feel well. I have to say my A has never ever not for one second been there for me when I was sick. It was like that day one. I did not have enough self esteem before to say I deserve more. Now I do. I do not deserve to sweat blood night and day (I do a physical job at the moment) and be abandoned over and ove again by him on his various whims. He can be Mr. Super cool to everyone else.
I know I don't deserve this or want this anymore. My time of feeling sorry for the A is up and my time in believing he has redeeming qualities is also up. His total self absorption is absolutely alienating. I think I gravitated towards self absorption because my mother and father were completely self abosbed. These days I want someone who can put me in the picture of no one at all.
I no longer fear growing old alone. I fear growing old with the constant stress and anxiety and anger of dealing with the A and his addiction.
