Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> how is it possible?
Post Info TOPIC: how is it possible?
jres


Newbie

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how is it possible?
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to detach and yet still cohabitate with an A spouse?  When there are very young children involved, they will no doubt be affected negatively right?  To me this just seems like enabling,  and I am having a very hard time understanding the concept.  How can I love the person while disassociating them from the disease?  How do I do this when it impacts every aspect of our family unit?  I can't pretend or detach when I don't know if my spouse is alive or dead, driving drunk, withdrawing our family finances.  Please help me understand.  I wish I were as strong as some of you.

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abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi it is possible and i understand when you say u don't know how to do this . totally diff concept for us as we are so emeshed in thier problem .  Detachment dosent mean to seperate yourself from them it means to not let thier behavior run your life anymore , worry never solved a thing. We cannot change other people and when u understand that life gets a little easier.


The only person u have any control over is you and your attitude about what is going on around you . He will see the light when he's ready nothing u do or say will cause him to stop or drink . Threats don't work , tears don't work , ultimatums don't work I am sure u have done them all just like me.  You detach with love and get on with your life you have young children enjoy them they need one sane parent .


my email address is abbyal2003@yahoo.ca


until u can find meetings for yourself I have a few things that will help u understand detachment a little better will be glad to email them . so if u like send a blank email and get started on your recovery . don't wait for him to see the light .  Louise



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nmike


~*Service Worker*~

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Well, posting here is a big step. It shows that you are stronger than you think. Focusing on ourselves (which I read as becoming stronger) helps alot. That means going to meetings, reading the Alanon literature, and knowing that you are not alone and that others have been there. I think that detachment means not doing away with the facts (like you say what about the finances, drinking and driving) but putting a boundary around them so they don't annilate you.


Keep coming back.


In support,


Nancy



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