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Is there any way any of you have found to get your loved one into AA? Mine is a tough case, I guess. I have pointblank asked him to please attend meetings just to see if he could find help. He sometimes expresses that he wants to end the weekend drinking, he is sick of the way things are, and he "probably" needs to attend meetings. But then he doesn't. He would deny that he needed any of that "group, mind-searching stuff" as he refers to it. He also calls it the "Dr Phil" syndrome..he hates that show! I realize that no one can control an A and that I especially have no pressures to put on an adult son, but if anyone has had experience with ways to encourage AA, please discuss it. I am just consumed night and day with how to make him better, knowing fully well I will be reminded that it is impossible. But that is my question today.....for better or worse.
Well good luck on that one hehe . Instead of trying to figure out how to get him to AA please get yourself to Al-Anon there is not a thing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself .
A's quit when they are damn good and ready , tears don't work , threats don't work unlitimatums don't work and I am sure like me u have tried them all . Anything we try is doomed to fail because it is not our problem to solve it's his . So leave it with him and take care of you. The best way to me to encourage our A's to seek help is to get our own program we too need to change
. We are enablers and when we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves things begin to change we can lead by example . Get happy get your life back on track and he may want to follow. And the beauty of this for me was I didn't have to leave him to do that. I didn't want to leave my marriage but wan ed change so I was told if I want change it' s my responsiblity to create it .
I would simply encourage you to read "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews.... In a nutshell, that book kind of summarizes that "if you really love your A, then get yourself healthy"..... Sometimes, the worst thing we can do for our A's, is to stay there down there with them, mired in their disease....
I know it's not the answer you were looking for, but it's the only one I know.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Oh sweetie - as much as I hate to say it and as much as I'm sure you don't want to hear it - there is probably more chance for a snowball in (if you know what I mean)
There is probably thousands of ways many of us have tried to get our loved ones to not drink, or drink less, or try AA or any other method to try to change their behavior. We are powerless over them and their behaviors.
But don't give up - there is still Hope for You - You can find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not - Try an Al-Anon program (we suggest 6 meetings before making your decision), read some of the suggested literature, and keep coming back to MIP
There is a way for you to live Happy, Joyous and Free - no matter what.
Living life - One Day At A Time,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I know this dilemma very very well. I am a recovering alcoholic, and my husband attended meetings with me in the first year for support. But, though he did get some things out of the meetings, ultimately he "hated" them, thought them depressing and horrible. He didn't even go to my one year speech!!!
He then had one year sober last year, and did not attend any meetings, but began enjoying life and was very happy. After relapsing this year, I have tried everything to "hint" around to him going. I have flat out told him that he knows where to go if he is in misery. I have laid my AA Big Book out for him (never has he touched it). I have asked another recovering person to talk to him if he decides he wants help and left a note for him stating, "If you have a desire to stop drinking, please call "___" at (303) ____. Nothing has made him want to go.
I think the advice above is right. You need to feel good and be in recovery yourself, and lead by example. It is such a difficult thing to do, because all I want to do is pretty much FORCE him into AA, because I see what is has done for my life... but alcoholics/users are going to do what they want (just as everyone) and when they are good and ready. That is what is frustrating to me is my A is so so stubborn! He is miserable and he doesn't really want to drink, but doesn't want the help.
Good luck and love, OmaJoy. I feel your situation, but the best thing to do is worry about your recovery.
Same message from me - you can't get him into AA, but you can get yourself into alanon. Here you will learn some of the behaviours of yours that may be enabling his alcoholism - making it easy and comfortable for him to keep drinking. Once you stop doing these things, sometimes he has to face how bad life is, and sobers up. This is not easy for someone who loves him to watch, however. Sometimes alcoholics see how much better we are once we get some recovery, and are prompted to get help themselves.
You can't count on any of this working, though. Life for you can get better, however, if you get some recovery.
(if you know what I mean) 