The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have lurked on various al-anon boards over the years. This time I am going to try to stay.
I have been married to my A for almost 15 years. He has just recently starting going to AA, and I fully support that. Our children need to see him sober. He's desperately ill, cirrhosis, ascites, malnutrition... it's horrible.
I've made some really horrible choices and now some very hard decisions. For myself, for the children, this relationship has to be over. I just have to figure out how to tell him, with love, what my decisions are.
Sounds like you are in a very stressful place. I hope you will find this is a safe haven to be able to vent as much as you like. There is also an MIP meeting two times a day in the chat room.
If you would like to talk to us about your decisions maybe we can help in some way.
I hope the horrible choices are not eating you up. We all choose things sometimes that seem ok at the time. Or maybe we are so much in need, we just cannot think clearly.
Guess what i am trying to say is, forgive yourself.
Welcome green and happy your husb has found recovery , I hope u are attending Al-Anon meetings too it is the best way to support our husb efforts . He is not the only one who has to change we do too.
Sobriety is not the answer to al of our problems but it sure helps . sober beats drunk any day. I hope u will seriously think about going to meetings for yourself u too need to recover , need people who have been where your at and can walk u thru it . from sharring thier own experiences , thier strength and thier hope.
Please try our meetings for afew months before making a life altering decision like separation there is always hope don't give up yet . My husb was deathly ill too when he found sobriety docs didn't hold our much hope for him at all. liver swollen body had begun to atrefied he was drinking to die , but luckily he decided that was taking too long and was too painful and deceided to try recovery instead.
that was 17 years ago this s ept . and I am not sorry I stayed . good luck Louise
Keep coming back. We have meetings here online twice a day. Please click on the link at the top of this page.
0,5Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: 0,2Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, 0,6Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, 0,4Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. 0,5Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. 0,5UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all 0,5other times.
Welcome to the MIP family! Here you will find great strength, exprience, wisdom, hope and laughter (good for the ).
I am very happy that your husband has found sobriety, and hopefully long term recovery. Abbyal has said it so right. We all need to recover. I always tell newcomers this: You must not loose yourself in their disease whether they are active or in recovery. Your recovery has to be about you and for you. They always suggest that before we make any life altering decisions, we give ourselves the chance to recover. I was told by a long time Alanoner, not to decide anything for at 6 months to a year. I didn't think I could wait that long. I hadn't been married for more than a couple of years, but have known my husband for 20+ years. I knew him sober in college, and it was onlty in the past 5 years that I realized he had a problem. The past 3 have been really tough. He has bouts of sobriety and then relapsed.
I found this board 1 year ago in Sept. A was drinking (again) but we had agreed to live apart. I was a mess. To make a long story short, I asked him to leave in early May because I couldn't take it again. I couldn't have done that if I hadn't found this program.
Well I can tell you now, he has 75+ days of sobriety. It took him on death's door, to finally realize what was going on. Now our relationship is changing again because he's changing as well as I am. I find I need this program now more than ever. He is working his program and I am working mine. I also attend AA meetings with him, once or twice a week. It has helped me understand this disease from a whole new perspective. We also have a ritual of reading our daily meditations to each other and discussing them. No it's not all rosey. We have some issues and are working through them. Like Louise, I have no regrets. I absolutely believe that recovery is possible for all.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hello there GreenGem and welcome to MIP. One thing I respect and admire is a person who has a plan. Once you have made a decision, no matter what it is, to stay or to go, life becomes much more gentle and easy. I wish you and your children, and hubby too, the best. I pray hubby's sobriety continues. Please continue to join us. I think you'll like it here.
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Welcome to this place of recovery. I can tell you that I have been helped tremendously by the posts and people here. You can vent and get true support, or just read and see where others are in their lives.
You are not alone, I know that. It is such a scary place to feel so turned upside down by this disease, but you don't have to be. I know, it is beginning to truly work for me, and I felt like my whole world was ending earlier this year.
Welcome and hope you find peace and love in your life.....
Just wanted to welcome you to MIP and Al-Anon. I hope you stick around this time and give yourself and your family the opportunity of recovery. David has given you the online meeting times and if at all possible, try to find a face to face meeting. They helped me so much through some very difficult and painful times.
I actually separated from my A before I found recovery. I too was advised not to make any life-changing decisions until at least 6months/a year in the fellowship...oopsy too late. I initiated divorce 3months after joining Al-Anon as a situation occured in his life that I could not accept and didn't want it to impact on mine. Our divorce was finalised in May 2001 and in June 2002 I agreed to attempt a reconciliation with my partner who was now in AA. He struggled to maintain sobriety in his first year but now has 3years clean and sober. We are rebuilding our relationship and our lives are dramatically improved. To be truthful, I did what I had to do at the time but now I sometimes regret the fact that we are divorced. I believe this was meant to be our path but I still find it sad. I've shared my experience with you to try to reflect the hope and help we found in our respective fellowships. You must do what you feel is best for the welfare of yourself and your family. I truly wish you well and pray you may enjoy the peace and strength I found within Al-Anon.
Hi GreenGem~ we met in the chatroom the other day!
Glad you found us, I think you will like it here, I know I do....they almost have to shove me out the door!
Feel free to read posts, and to post to your heart's content. It will help you feel better, at least it did me!
Glad you are here for yourself and your kids. Gotta take care of the important things, and allow the A to take care of himself. Sounds like you are doing that.
Also glad your A is attending AA.
Hope to talk to you again soon. Write to me anytime, about anything. I'm new here, only since about January, but I would certainly enjoy "talking" with you anytime.
).
I couldn't have done that if I hadn't found this program. 
