The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a tough week! I've done a whole lot of digging and finding things I haven't liked or enjoyed. There have been a lot of memories resurfacing, a lot of feelings, a lot of pain and a lot of awareness’s. I began my week wanting to remove the entire program from my brain, then wanted to get away from me, then began realizing some things about me that scared me, then some old & very fearful memories put me in a panic attack. A lot of my week I really felt miserable, no matter how much I tried to change.
Tonight I am so grateful for the program.
I realized that there IS some sort of force guiding me. I don't understand it but that is ok. Tonight, it guided me to a special friend’s house for a night away from program and my fearful feelings. I almost did not go because I felt like I was invited because I was having a tough day (which may be true). I felt like I was going to be a burden. I was told I had a choice to go or not. I did go and was treated like a guest but I was made to feel like a family member. We ate an awesome meal, socialized, played games and laughed. I smiled from my heart.
On my way home I realized how lucky I am that I got into the program. I realized that my life has changed a lot. There are definitely some hard times, and some painful feelings but there is also a new sense of life. I never really new what life or living was. I didn’t know who I was (I still don’t but I do know that one day I will find out). I didn’t know what a family was or what it felt like to be cared for, unconditionally loved. This I too am learning. I am now trying to learn how to use this newly accepted higher power. I have seen how it can make my life easier, calmer and happier. I’m told that everything I have been learning has been all inside me all along… I wonder what else is in there.
I’m sorry if this is jumbled but that is where my head is. There is still a lot of the hard things from my week trying to resurface, but for tonight I am not going there. I was going to journal, which I feel this is in a way, but I also really wanted to express my gratitude for the program and the people in it. I know we all have our ups and downs. I know we help each other by sharing our ESH. Well, I Hope this has helped others as much as I feel right now I have been helped. I can’t wait for the future in the program… good, bad and ugly. I know that I am a better person from being here and can't wait to see where I will go.
sandie, I too am very grateful for this program, and can't wait until I see where it leads me. I am very new here, a week or less, but just reading the post and gathering all the information, gives me an insight that I truly thought did not exist. I don't have the privalage to go to f2f meetings as there are none in my area.
I haven't got the chance to socalize outside my home yet, but I am sure that coming here will give me the strength and courage to do so. I have been isolated for a very long time, and to tell the truth I am a little scared to take that step and go do something for me.
I do intend to keep coming here and gather all the information and support that I can in order to become an independant and stronger person.
I feel like I have found a new family here and I am so thankful for that. I have that jumbeled feeling too, but at least I am talking about all the things that have been hidden inside me for so long.
So along with you, I would like to say thank you for this program. Jade.
I love that you "smiled from your heart"!!! That is so dear. I think this program is a wonderful thing that has happened in my life also, I share your gratitude.
I remember the beginning of this year, I felt like my world was upside down, I was in panic mode, devastated from my husband's relapse, and it just wasn't getting better! The disease was for sure bringing me to my knees, I think it was a bottom.
Now, I have learned some things that can make me keep my head, my sanity, and my HEART! I am a good person, and I don't deserve to feel this way. I try to be nice to people, and to help others in need. I love my husband and he loves me. This disease just tears everyone to pieces!!
Thanks for your grateful attitude, and I am so glad you are on the pathway to peace also!!!
Boy Linda! You sound like you are doing great! I am so happy to have come to this program myself. The last month as been very hard. Today, I have the tools I need inorder to handle all the drama!
