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Binge drinking is terrible part of alcoholism. Of course any type of alcoholism is bad, but with binge drinking you do get a taste of the real person underneath the disease. The binge drinker i know doesn't drink everyday, doesn't come home after work and drink until they pass out, doesn't go to the bar every day after work, just doesn't drink every single day. This binge drinker will be a wonderful, hard working father and husband and work on himself and do things he wants to do, and push forward and make future plans. Then something happens, usually when things are going to well, he will suddenly for no reason, start the destruction.
I've spoken with his sponser, he says for this particular A, he is near hopeless of ever recovering, that he'll keep hitting bottom every time he binges, but not enough to ever stop for good, that he will inevitably die from this. And whats sad is all i can do is sit back and take care of myself, do what i normally do and in the back of my mind, hope that he doesn't die this time, because when or if he does, i will blame myself, because I'm not allowed to intervene. Like they say, you have to do 'tough love' with them. I have to sit and wait for him to hit his bottom 'again' which end result, he will be in the hospital once more. Tomorrow he will be on day 5 of his massive drinking/drugging binge, a few more days, he will be near death, just like the last 3 times.
But, I can only worry about myself and my family!!
Wow, I never thought about how a binge drinker's line of destruction is different. It sounds like you have no warning of when the binge will start. You've got my prayers that he survives yet another round of this terrible war of alcoholism.
Um I don't know who this sponsor is, but I sure do not agree with him.
None of us know what hp will do. We also do not know if they will surely die from this. I am not saying he won't. I just don't like statements like that.
I am so sorry your A is so sick. To have been so close to death over and over is hard on us. Been there.
Now I see he is on his way again. Such insane behavior. You said you will feel guilty becuz you are not allowed to intervene.
Remember teh 3 C's. What do you think you could do anyway? No ya don't wait. Ya put him in Hp's hands and ya have faith that no matter what happens, it will be ok.
I know that fear, I know that feeling of wanting to do something so bad, to stop what is coming. I even looked into having my A committed.
please keep coming back. I know you must be afraid. You don't have to worry about anything. It is ok to be concerned.
Yes focus on your loved ones, but it is ok to care about him too.
I agree with Deb, and disagree with the sponsor. They do not know what HP will do. None of us know what will or can happen in the next blink of an eye, in the next minute, hour, or day.
Recovery is always possible. Always. We are not God. We do not know. But, we need to take care of ourselves in the meantime.
Hmmmm... this sponsor makes me wonder...and why can you NOT intervene? Oftentimes intervention is the life saver. My A is a binge drinker, and you bet your boots I'll intervene; if it means saving him from self-destruction. We can only stand on the outside of the window looking in for so long. Sure, let them fall. But don't let them die.
I wish you and yours the best, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
What the sponser is trying to say is that he's been sober for many many years and has dealt with many many alcoholics and dealing with this kind shows very little hope for survival because he'll never really hit his bottom. He thinks he does, and physically he does, but mentally he can't, only for a short while. And the little hope there is, by intervening and constantly going to get him, pick him up, whatever, only enables him more so that leaves the chance of recovery even slimmer. So he says as much as he hates to do it, you have to let them figure it out on their own, and hit their bottom again.
My AH is both an every day drinker and binge drinker. He went to rehab, was sober for a week when he came home and picked up again. On his third day of his binge, he was unresponsive but breathing. This time I called an ambulance. He is alive and sober, again. When he binges, the only thing that will stop him is intervention or death(and yes, he has come close on more than one occasion). This time he is being treated for depression. Maybe it will help. Is calling an ambulance enabling? I don't know. If he was lying drunk out on the street for a week a stranger would call 911, that's my reasoning. I do know where there is life there is hope. Death is final.
" Is calling an ambulance enabling? I don't know. If he was lying drunk out on the street for a week a stranger would call 911, that's my reasoning. I do know where there is life there is hope. Death is final."
Wisely spoken Evey. Letting them hit their bottom is one thing; intervening to save their lives is another. If saving a life is enabling, I am in the wrong place.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
PLEASE LISTEN TO WHAT THE GOOD FOLKS THAT REPLIED TO YOUR POST HAVE SAID
IF SOMEONE IS LYING ON YOUR LIVING ROOM FLOOR AND IS HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING OR IS GOING INTO A COMATOSE STATE (I'M NOT TALKING JUST PASSED OUT DRUNK) PLEASE DO SOMETHING---DON'T WORRY ABOUT MUMBO-JUMBO TERMS LIKE ENABLING AND INTERVENTION AT A TIME LIKE THIS
IF YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO DIE FROM HIS ACTIONS--GOD WILL DECIDE THAT NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE DOES--AT LEAST ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN AFTER ALL GOD-GIVEN TALENT HAS BEEN SPENT--GOD WILL MAKE THE CALL NOT AN AA SPONSOR OR ANY 12 STEP PROGRAM
EVEN I, WITH MY ZERO TOLERANCE OF ABUSIVE IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR WOULD CARRY HIS DRUNKEN BUTT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM RATHER THAN CARRY HIS BODY TO THE CEMETERY...DEAD IS DEAD IS DEAD
IF YOU HANG ON TO HOPE THAT SOMEDAY YOUR HUSBAND WILL CHANGE HIS BAD HABITS AND SEEK HELP----REMEMBER THAT HE HAS TO BE ALIVE FIRST...
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND AND PLEASE BROADEN YOUR SOURCE OF INFORMATION TO MORE THAN THIS SPONSOR
Why is the blame put on the sponsor, binge drinking with my brother was a form of living death for all involved. It certainly puts all around them at risk not just the drinker in my opinion. While I think what the sponsor said was upsetting, it had a ring of truth in it for me in my experience. I expected to find my brother in bed dead or have my son of twelve find him until finally I had to ask him to leave. I realise it is an illness but sometimes it can be terminal and it is not possible to control it.
Hi Maire. Yep, you are right. What the sponsor said DID have a ring of truth, but I prefer hearing about everlasting hope and holding dear a positive attitude. Without those, there's no future for ANY of us. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I am so sorry to hear you are in the middle of this right now. My 21 year old does this too. It is mind blowing that someone who is so 'healthy', can get so instantly sick and insane.
I know that though everything I lost my common sense. Everything in my life made no sense at all til this program. But, Diva and others are very right, as we get better we again have to start trusting ourselves and use our common sense.
My AW was drinking heavilly and decided to go take some new anti-depressant, she anounced it to me like she would just take care of this little problem we have. It scared me, so I called poison control. They were very understanding, and told me the medicine would not interact or accelerate the alcohol. But they were very concearned about the amount she had drank and wanted me to check her breathing and be sure she didn't aspirate in her sleep.
My point is that I didn't tell her I did that. My only comment to her was, "I don't think the doctor intended you to use those as a weapon". She stormed off and went to bed. If it had been a problem I would have called an ambulance. My thought is that her hospital visit and stomac pumping would not be considered enabling. And I have been through this for many years with the hope she will 'wake up' and get better.
Just hope I am better enough for her if she does. <smiling>
You and your hubby are in my thoughts and prayers. It is so hard to watch all this like it's someone elses life. That's why we have this family to help us through it.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
