The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here it is Saturday morning. I have read all the new posts and responses and tried to glean what I need from them. I have found some relief from the weekend blues that come to our home. Our adult son is a weekend drinker and drinks alone. He always has these great plans on Friday and through the week to do this and do that and get this done and etc. I called him at 8:30 this morning to tell him I had found a transcript he needed in my files. He was already slurring slightly, doing a chore which puzzled me, and I had to acknowledge that the weekend had begun for him. He would not see his child today...against the rules when he drinks. Another opportunity missed...so many opportunities missed. My husband and I have already had our little discussion which always leads nowhere. I reminded my husband that his father had spent most weekends in the basement bedroom and no one would admit he was down there drinking. My husband's response: well, he never drank during the week, always went to work and he suffered from depression, you know. Well, yes. He did. And now another generation is suffering. I want my husband to step up and talk to his son. My son will talk to me but we always end up on confrontation and then an hour later, it is like nothing ever happened. My husband hates confrontation and will not bother with it. He wants ME to do all the talking to our son, all the dealing with the consequences of the situation. I am overwhelmed and have no support for myself. I have already posted about this once this week, so I am trying to help myself as best I can. There will be no alanon meetings for me. I have done the face to face once before and tried to participate. I understand the program, I know what I need to do, but I cannot stand the group thing...not for ANY reason...not just alanon....all groups. So perhaps I deserve to feel lonely and sad 24/7. I will accept the reaponsibility for my feelings and am logical and sane enough to know I have made my choice. I am grateful to have this site to come to as often as I need and to read the thoughts and experiences of such a strong and courageous group of people. Today my glean was: you can make your day positive. It is your choice. So I am going to do that.
Hi oma, I too cannot do group stuff. Never could. that is ok. I have been here almost 6 years every day. Have gleaned and feel so much better.
There are meetings here too. They are great. You might consider that.
I am sad your son is A. That is so hard.
I can tell you, having your husband talk to your son, really is not going to do any good.
What does good is being you, taking care of you. Never mention his aism to him. He knows, he knows what he is missing. If we talk to them, it only makes them feel more guilty for a million things.
It is up to you how to have a relationship with him. If it were me, I would call him, see him and tell him I love him. Not mention his illness.
We need so much to take care of ourselves. They would hate hearing how much it hurts us. Probably make them drink more.
I am glad you are here. PLEASE do not down yourself or think you deserve your lonliness. You come here! Not all of us learn the same way. It is YOUR life. I am glad you are here. Like to see ya more.
Hey I went back to college in my forties. I ended up doing so much independant study. Which means I developed my own curriculum, had it approved by a professor and completed it, turned it in and got credit.
I hated sitting in a noisy classroom being treated like a kid.
I did my educating on my own, on my own terms. Was on the honor roll at Oregon State. Degree in Public Health and Education.
Planned to go into being a MSW.
Ya think I would spell better huh?? lol
Anyway it is YOUR life, who cares how you work the program, or how you learn, the point is you have the courage to come here.
debilyn, you always have the BEST posts and ideas! I always come away with something valuable from you. Thanks! I did make my day positive. Cleaned the ceramic in the kitchen..a job I had put off too long. Then my husband and I went to the Mall, ate a food court lunch, bought a couple new books, strolled through two deparment stores and laughed at the 30% off the "already marked down merchandise".......a plaid designer patchwork sports jacket for only $162.00!!! Yikes!!! It was ugly.....so we had some fun and tried not to think about our son and what he was doing or not doing. This afternoon our son's ex strolled the baby by the house for a short visit and we ended up watching him run through the grass, fall down and push his little face into it and just laugh!!! We watched a huge summer afternoon thunderstorm roll through, played with the dog, went in the pool, and just hung out and didn't discuss our problems. So yes, you can make a glum day positive. And debilyn, I will keep your thoughts and experiences close by and thanks again.
It must be terrible seeing your own child doing this and missing these opportunities. The lesson I keep hearing though is "separation". It is not your responsibility to hold your son's hand through his whole life. He has to become responsible for himself. If you are able to be a small part of him achieving that then you will have given him a huge gift. Don't let HIS issues become YOUR issues...you will have enough of your own. All you can do is to be there for him when he truly needs you.
