The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just made major decision to stay with my A. I feel this is best for me. I have been rejoicing all day that I actually made a decision on my own (with a little insight from others) but the decision was mine.
Now I have the task of telling those who will not like it.
I have always just done what others wanted me to do to make them happy. Making me wishy-washy and unhappy. Now I am praying for the courage to stick to my decision and not be influenced by those that don't understand or like it.
The worst decision is one that is never made. You have made a conscious decision and should be applauded. Hopefully one day your A too will appreciate your choice, but for now that choice is for you.
You will realise this I am sure but it is worth saying for the benefit of others.... Any decision can be altered. No choice is set in stone. Should circumstances change you always retain the right to change your mind.
The important thing is that you have sat down, deliberated over your options, and come to a decision. You have not buried your head in the sand.
Congratulations and good luck, please let us know how things develop.
SLD I remember feeling exactly the same way about telling some friends things I didn't want to. People on this board made me realise I don't have to tell anyone anything I don't want to. Canadian Guy (Tom) shared the saying "What you think of me is none of my business" which is great. Another one when you are feeling put on the spot is by shifting the question back and saying "Why do you ask?" This puts people off guard and it makes them feel awkward rather than you. It is your life and your choice they can't possibly understand unless they walk in your shoes. Luv Leo xxx
Only you can decided what is best for you. The people who will not like it, or don't understand why you'll just have to let them be. They haven't walked in your shoes. Know that we are behind you 100% whatever your decision. Best of luck to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I"m guessing one of the people that won't be pleased is your teenage son? Teenagers can be selfish lil critters and used to getting their way. Prepare yourself for the blow up. Your A did not abuse your son in any way, he got upset because son didn't do his chores.... so I was a bit puzzled with some of the previous responses for you to put your son first (and insinuate you should leave), but oh well.
Remember, this really wasn't your battle. It was between the two of them. That's not to say you aren't responsible for your son. But it appears he wasn't in any danger. If you were married, and A was your son's father, I doubt you would consider leaving because A yelled and was upset about your son and chores. And son most likely wouldn't be yelling back and expecting you to leave because he wants you to.. (I guess that's one way to get out of doing chores..lol) Five yrs is a long time and you owe it to yourself to see it through. Leaving because someone else wants you to would make you totally miserable.
I'm hoping in the end both parties will take some responsibility for what happened and admit their wrongs, your son for ignoring his chores and your A for yelling. How can you take sides when neither one was right? Hopefully they will see it all could have been avoided and will be able to work things out.
Stay strong.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Those that don't like your decision you could always share the program with them and say
"Take what you like and leave the rest"
Congratulations on making your decision and remember what works for me today is all that matters - if it doesn't work for me tomorrow, my HP will show me how to deal with that when I get there.
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I am happy for you that you made a decision, and only you can feel whether it is right for you or not. I am praying for your and your family that things work out....
I go thru the same thing. Finally started to talk alanon talk more with my loved ones.
I tell them, I want some more time with him. I have a strong alanon program now, if things get rough I will leave or have him leave.
Aism is an illness, would you have me leave if he had a brain tumor?
I will also turn it around, would you leave your husband if he had a brain tumor and it changed him? Would you blame him?
That hits a lot of them. Becuz they see our A as the enemy becuz they hurt us. To us, they are very very sick.
I know you will make good decisions. Please read your literature and the big book. Keep coming here, keep getting reminders so the disease does not drag you back in.
