The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Change... is that what is really causing me my mental struggle. Is change scaring me?
I feel this want to be able to stop the knowledge I have learned. I don't want to hear those healthy new words. These new words have been flooding my head, even when I don't want to hear them. I know it's a good thing to have them there and come to me without me having to search them out. But some times..... UGH.
I was talking tonight about this and I was asked if maybe I was just overwhelmed by the changes in me. Am I just seeking the comfort of my "old, worn, comfortable bathrobe" and not the new unbroken in bathrobe. Are the new changes just flooding me with too much information?
I know there are times I just want to detach from myself. I find this an extremely diffucult process... espeically since I analyze things to death. How do I detach from myself and do it in a healty way?
I've been feeling confused a lot lately. I've been working the program hard and liking the outcome (maybe not always the experiences though). The tools are coming into my daily life more and more. I am a lot happier, stonger, and saner. I have been making better decisions, thinking of others more, and become more honest with myself. SO WHAT IS MY PROBLEM????? This all is GOOD stuff.... why whould I want to try to go backwards? I guess all this will lead to some lesson which I will one day know about.
You are not alone in that one. When I realized how codependant I was, I was terrified that almost everything I do with best of intentions was hurting me and those around me. Someone acturally said "... for a while, whenever you need to make a decission just do the opposite of what you had always done."
Ouch.... that is soo hard for me to get comfortable with. But one day at a time...
This is a quote sent to my by our CEO. It was about business stuff, but it's an interesting quote:
"
If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic." – Hazel Henderson, Economist
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
If given the choice between the two robes. i would choose the "old, worn, comfortable one".
Who wants a new, itchy, scratchy one vs. an old, worn, comfortable one?
But once the old one falls apart I'm left with the new one and the dreaded process of getting the new one "broke-in". So while itching and scratching, I'm wanting the comfort of the old one back.
Just like the robes, my old life fell apart. Now I've found a new one. And sometimes the change from old to new can feel itchy, scratch but by coming here to MIP I can get all the comfort I need.
Change is a hard struggle. But keep working the program. It gets better!
Linda, I do understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I feel that I am too aware of myself and thinking and want to change back to automatic pilot. However, the answer is to "accept the discomfort and know that it won't be permanent". I suffer as an Adult Child of an alcoholic father, and a sister of 2 alcoholic brothers from the "thinking disease". No big deal it is just the way I am. Accept yourself, and work on this. I have major challenges ahead and am starting a teacher training course and lack confidence in my ability. At times I am looking for excuses not to start for fear of failure. I am going to take baby steps and live in the day, as I am terrified when I look ahead. Sorry for ranting, take care, Ann Marie.
