The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hub and I have gotten along fairly well since the blow up last Mon. night. Then it starts all over last night. Out of the blue. I thought we were getting along pretty good, then he starts in on me because I have too much stuff in the cupboard over the stove. Threatens to throw all the contents out of any cupboard in the future that won't close right. Good Lord! That man can pull more crap out of his hat than anyone I've ever seen.
Today I get in my car to go to work, and there is a 2 page long note. "How do you expect me to love you after all you've done to us. You have ruined my love for you and I will never love you again. It is time we end it. I want a divorce. I hate those cats! Go live with your stupid son in law! You are plotting a revenge, you are always on the internet. Blahblahblah" The same old crap. Revenge??? I don't even think I have ever gotten revenge on anyone, or even thought about it!
I had gone to bed last night with him mad at me for having too much stuff in the cupboard. He sat up for 2 hours, grumbling under his breath in the kitchen. Guess that is when he wrote the mean note.
The difference is, for today, I am OK. I went to sleep even though he was acting nuts. I found the note in my car, folded it into 4ths and put it in the kitchen trash before I left. I went to work, I didn't cry, wake him up, ask him for the 1000th time why he doesn't love me. I didn't tear the note up and throw it all over, nor did I put it in my pocket to agonize and reread over and over all day. I didn't drive crazy on the way to work.I have not spoken to him yet today. I am at the library, and will be leaving to go home shortly. Decided it was safer to be on the Alanon site here than at home. He hates it, and gets mad when I click off something when he comes in. Thinks I am plotting a revenge, or something.
Thanks for letting me blab. Thank you for all the lessons I have learned here. Thank God for the little serenity I do have.
I am so proud of you for putting that note where it belongs. Guess the kitchen trash is kinda like a "God box" huh?
It is funny what things set me off and what does not. My AW threw a pair of pliers at me last night because I got a call from an A-coworker last night. Now she was already mad about something else, but "... You can talk to him and not to me..." was the battle cry as she launched the plyers across the room.
That was insanity, and easy to put off on the disease. When she hits me with you are not compassionate enough... I get real introspective, cause I don't want to be that way and I have to try to validate if that's true or the disease. Don't guess I have to, but I do.
Hang in there, and know we are here for you!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Hey, I really like the idea of the kitchen trash being a "God Box!" That is just where 99.9% of his little notes he leaves for me belong! Thanks for the little chuckle, Rtexas, I needed that today!
Good for you for seeing it for what it is. Mine still sends the most ridiculous emails and accusations. Thanks to the lovely people here,and the alanon programme, I see it for what it is,and do the same as you. File it in the bin!!!!! ( delete button works just as well!!!)
I'm (apparently) having an affair at the moment( I'm actually in the Uk awaiting the birth of my first grandchild...who has decided to be late....ha ha!) and am involved in all manner of things(of which I am unaware!!)
Apparently the "affair" ( of which I know nothing about!!) is my revenge,and A assures me that now he " knows" this, I am history!!!!
You're doing well Becky. Hang in there sweetie. It's the disease talking,but you know that.
My AH always accuses me of throwing away things he can't find.Yeah, I threw away that shirt,the pliers,your socks,the tape measure,the remote.........
Please.Then when I say I didn't throw it away he says well someone must have broken in and stole it then.Yep, if I were a thief I'd break in here and make off with your socks.....makes sense to me.
Geez,the insanity.You are doing great girl.I can relate to the re-reading..and re-reading..and re-re-reading.
Way to grow and take care of you. What an amazing job. Sometimes I look at the completely ludicrous insane things they come out with and I truly laugh, and then I am in trouble
I get the internet stuff also but I am not plotting revenge, apparantly I am having an affair or am planning an affair.
Drucilla, Know all about the socks, think we have the same crook in our neighbourhood. Amazing how those sock thieves get around. Rotten rat bastages!!! LOL
lilms
__________________
Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I hope someday I can be like you and throw garbage in the garbage, LOL, rather than reread it like it is something important.
Your husband sounds like a real "character" (read between the lines here, LOL). My husband a couple of years ago loved telling me that he had fallen out of love with me, and no longer loved me in "that" way but just had "general" love for me, LOL. It broke my heart for months but one day I wisened up. He kept threatening to move out and divorce me. One day he said it and I said "Is that a threat or a promise" LOL. He never moved out.
I hope things get better for you soon Becky.
Thanks for sharing the graceful and smart way you dealt with such dysfunction, it made my day.
