The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A stopped drinking again over the weekend but too late to correct his latest financial escapades. Seems he wrote a check for $152.00 to the place fixing his ATV last week and didn't tell me about it. That check plus other pos spending he did on his bank card all hit yesterday. Of course the bank put through the check first (they always put through largest item to the smallest regardless of when the items were presented to the bank so they can collect more fees) so now he will have six NSF fees added to the current $147 debit in his account. Of course if the bank put through the items in the order they were presented to the bank only the check would have bounced and only one fee would have been incurred. We are looking at something in the area of $180. He only gets $626 a month on the 1st so minus from it $147 plus the $180 in fees and he is left with $300 or so for the month. The amount he needs to give me for bills which leaves nothing in spending money for him for the month.
If I had known about the check I would have told him to put a stop payment on it before it hit account. Would have cost the stop payment fee and fee to the person he wrote the check to for bouncing the check but would have been alot cheaper in the long run. He could have then paid them cash on the first and picked up his ATV then. Granted they would not accept checks from him going forward but OH well.
I am just so sick of this. I know it is not my problem since it is his account alone and it is his consequence of drinking and being financially irresponsible but somehow it will effect me going forward into next month.
This too shall pass. Your A needs to learn to take responsibility for his own spending etc. I know it affects you also. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this today. I am sending prayers your way to help you handle this financial issue.
Generally speaking, one of the hallmarks of the alcholic family dysfunction is the fact that it puts the family finances in such disarray. I remember vividly that if the power and electrical bills got paid, that meant there wouldn't be food for the month; alternatively, if there was food that month, there would be a high likelihood that we would have the power shut off to our house because food had been purchased with the electric bill money.
Generally speaking, also, financial institutions see Monday as "Catch Up Day:" they rarely do major transactions like loans for houses on Mondays because their processing transactions and billings from the weekend and all the transactions that were left unprocessed by the previous Friday at 5pm. *shrugs* Just the way it works.
One of the things I had to do was I established my own checking/savings/et cetera independent of my father, et cetera. It was at the same bank and everything, that just made the paperwork easier for someone whose as inherently lazy as I am. But more to the point if you're concerned about having money to pay the mortgage and keep warm--and keep in mind all these financial disasters will impact your credit rating, too, if you're on a joint checking account--you may want to sit down with a bank manager and figure out what to do. Just lay out the facts, don't mince words, be honest, and right to the point--who's bringing home the paycheck? Is anyone? Can you start socking some away for you? The Bank Financial Advisor will be able to guide you to some small, simple decisions so that if your alcholic decides to make large financial investments without discussing them with you, you won't be left with the shirt on your back and nothing else.
Hi Lebe, ok I am going to sorta say how I see this.
A has own account, goes over his balance. The natural consequense is a overdrawn account. He won't have any money left after fixing the mess and paying his half of the bills.
So what is "your" problem? You will get his part of the money for bills.
He should have told you about the checks he writes on his own account? You would have told him what to do?
Does something sound off here?
What I did, was not get into his stuff. I changed me. I am fully able to take care of my own finances. I am very frugal frugle? smile Have to watch my pennies. But I don't need him.
I redid my life so the disease cannot take from me. It gets worse and worse as you know.
If we become tired of a situation, we can look at our options, Leave, have them leave, or we can change ourselves.
The A's stuff is their stuff. When we rescue, we help the disease. We need to allow them to fall on their face and feel the pain of living badly.
Have you read,"Getting Them Sober?" Great book and sure helped me to really understand.
