The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
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GRUMBLE GRUMBLE Hemming and hawing over posting this but here it goes
Good morning (((Everyone)))
I'm not gonna go into the whole background of my last few posts because of time, I gotta get to work soon LOL
My AH or soon to be ex AH (I'm not sure what to call this relationship anymore) called Monday to reserve a bed at a local treatment center. Required a detox stay prior to going there today becauseof his problems when he does not drink. Had a last hurrah Sunday night, yeah ... Monday he procrastinated, Tuesday he left to go to detox must not have made it cause was ringing the doorbell at 430 am, wasn't gonna be home when i got home from work yesterday and was. Now today the bed is there or maybe not.
I had hope, to get things done around here without his depression. to not be around someone who said a horrible cruel frightening thing to me on Sunday. That he wanted to be healthy, honest, NICE.
I'm resentful. His words and actions allowed me to create an expectation. I'm disappointed. I feel used. I no longer want to call crisis or police or whatever if he reaches those nasty places of thinking harming himself, too drunk etc points. He wanted to walk in on his own he should have, it is not my job to send him. He's been sent places since he was 14 years old, if I make the calls and send him it's the same old thing, he'll play the rules until they release him and start all over.
I am LETTING GO, of the need to help him, of the responsibility to help him stay alive when he talks of committing suicide, All of it. It is not my job. HP's will not mine.
I spoke to his stepdad, was told if anything more happens to call him since so many rotten things have been told to his parents they will hang up on me. If they care that much ... come get him, use some energy on dealing with him instead of hating me for getting out.
I'm being nice, compassionate, pleasant. Seething inside at times and asking for my HP to take it away every time a new anger pops up. It's working. I want titanium body and heart armor.
I gotta go thanks to all for reading my vents! Best wishes for a happy day for us all
Hate that you have to deal with the disappointment of a loved one choosing not to get the help they need, sounds like you are feeling the feelings and letting them go . . . good job.
Take special care of you for the next few days - be really nice to you - You need the extra care. Give yourself a hug from me!
Praying your HP sends you a blessing of encouragement,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Hi Jen you are a caring, compassionate person and you have done your best. Ask HP to look after him now and give you the strength to look after your own needs for a while. Luv Leo xx
Pat on the back, you know what you need to do for you, its a bumpy road with lots of twists and turns! I understand your frustration, I, too, have been there. Once I finally let go, soon afterward my A hit bottom, a really low bottom, horrible but thats what it took to get him into rehab and sober. I dont take credit for it but its sure funny how things turned out the way they did when I let go and let God. I have to try so hard everyday to keep the focus on me. Hugs!You are in my prayers!
It stinks.. They give us a glimmer of hope and we RUN with it !!! They tell us they want to get better and we take that as they ARE getting better. How do we change that ??? How do we let go ?? I have tried and tried and struggle .. So.... I keep praying God help me LET GO !! I will add you to that prayer, too.. !! I think it will help us hurt a lot less ..
