The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not posted in a while. I was on a much needed four day weekend and enjoyed myself. Feels good to say that. My A and I are plugging along. He's keeping busy with work and his music projects. I'm keeping busy with work, recovery, kids, and family and friends. I've gained a better perspective on my recovery and I feel the concepts, slogans, and the work I'm doing is clicking for me. I have more energy, I feel better about myself and my family. I have been able to open my mind and hear my A's side of what he wants recovery to look like for him. I may not agree with it, but I am accepting that is where he's at. It doesn't look or feel like I thought it would but he's still sober and keeping busy with healthy projects. He is slowly maturing and showing interest in building trust back with me and his family. I only have HP to thank for that.
I was thinking about obsession today. Webster's Dictionary defines obsession as "a persistent disturbing preoccupaton with an often unreasonable idea or feeling".
I have had one or more obsessions in my life... however the obsessions I've had with people have been the most painful and distructive. I am learning in this program that my obsessions kept me from growing as a person. My obsessions kept me from focusing on reality and the real problems with me. I became obsessed with my A. When would he drink, how much, watching his intake, how much money he spent, his abusive behavior and language. It was all so consuming that obsession is the only word that comes to mind. Alanon is teaching me to let go of the worry and anxiety and use that energy on myself. My goal is to one day grow up and let people be who they are and allow myself the freedom to think, feel, laugh, do as I do without worrying about what other's will think. I've gotten better... but with my A who is the one person in my life that can get to me. I care too much about what he thinks and feels and if its a feeling about me then I become obsessed with why he feels that way and how I can make it better. Its hard for me to know that he's hurt or upset by something I've done or said. Unfortunately he gets upset over small stuff. He gets upset when I take care of my boundaries. My obsession with him and his life has kept me from leading my own life. I have given the power and control to him, like he's the ruler of my life.
I think being obsessed with anything too much is unhealthy. I'm learning balance the projects and people in my life and turning over those obsessive worries and anxious feelings over to my HP. Its the only way I can manage my life and stay calm and peaceful. Thanks for listening.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You are doing so great. Thanks for sharing that, I really needed to hear it! As always my family here knows just what to say to get my day going in the right direction.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Thank you so very much for your post. All morning I have had this uncomfortable feeling w/in me and after reading your post I think I have a clue as to why. After 2 days I have spoken to my husband. I called him to arrange a time for us to meet and talk. Periodically I have thought of things that I want to say to him, jotted them down etc. Apparently however, subconciously I believe I am obsessing over how this meeting will go. I need to work a little more at turning this meeting over to my HP and let him guide me through the process.
I am grateful for your sharing your ES&H.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I too have been obsessing lately. Been reading some alanon books, and trying to change myself (since it is the only thing I can change). Today, I am doing something for myself and am looking forward to going shopping.( one baby step in the right direction). I won't waste any more time today worrying about what A is doing or where he is going. I might even buy myself a little treat at the dollar store :) Bye for now, Love TLC
Thanks for the insight. I struggle with this every day about my AHsober who left. I think that I learned how to do this with my absentee father who was an alcoholic. He was so distant and moody that I watched him to find an opening when he was in the here and now. At my worst with my AH I obsessed about him for 12 hours straight literally without a break in thought. I told myself that this was dumb. It didn't accomplish anything. I now have a strategy - keep busy. I have many mantras that I replace the obsessive thoughts with including the 12 steps. This helps alot. I am getting much better.
I to am trying to find balance.I do feel more balanced now than I have in a while. Hmmmmmmm "A" isn't home right now. Hopefully I will be able to keep what I have found these past few weeks.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
"your post made perfect sense to me.... it could have been written by me myself"
its amazing how us Co-dependants have exactly the same way of thinking as each other... weird... it makes it me feel abit saner when i hear other peoples opinions and feelings... are the same as mine.
My A and I are plugging along. He's keeping busy with work and his music projects. I'm keeping busy with work, recovery, kids, and family and friends. I've gained a better perspective on my recovery and I feel the concepts, slogans, and the work I'm doing is clicking for me. I have more energy, I feel better about myself and my family. I have been able to open my mind and hear my A's side of what he wants recovery to look like for him. I may not agree with it, but I am accepting that is where he's at. It doesn't look or feel like I thought it would but he's still sober and keeping busy with healthy projects. He is slowly maturing and showing interest in building trust back with me and his family. I only have HP to thank for that. 
