The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm trying to figure out why I feel people are laughing at me quite a lot. It's as if I have to struggle to make sure it doesn't happen.
If my Aboyfriend does something that upsets me and involves other people (eg inappropriate conversation in my view..not his), I think they're laughing at me.
I sometimes find myself saying to other people..."why are you laughing at me?"...okay it's jokey sometimes. But I do feel I am at the brunt of other people's jokes sometimes...like I have to always try and protect myself.
Sometimes I think I'm over sensitive, and have been told I should toughen up.
I was raised in an Ahousehold. My dad is an A, and my mum is codependant. Neither have ever been on any recovery programme. She always covered up for him, and it was important in our family that no one ever knew really what was going on. This was what I learned as a child.
Also I being the eldest child felt I always had to prove myself, always being tested. It wasn't easy, as I'm sure you can appreciate. They're were fights and cover ups,and I have bad memories. Maybe I'm overanalysing situations in order to form a protection for myself. I can remember feeling very scared and vulnerable as a child and had no protection....
So now I'm trying to understand, why do I feel laughed at? Why do I feel a target for sneering? Maybe this is not really the case, and maybe I'm not seeing the picture clearly.
I also grew up in a A household. For me I have learned i am overly sensitive. I take things very personally. It's like...if hubby says the grass really has grown...i feel like I am being blamed and try to think of awhat I did wrong to make that grass grow.
For me I loosened up be remembering..it's not always about ME. Folks are not being mean to ME on purpose. It is ME taking it the wrong way Detachment ahs helped alot. I consider the source. I realize jsut because they said it does nto maek it true. And in that way..I dont take the blame.
Hoep that makes sense. i DO understand where you are coming from.
I do undserstand that I do balttle that my self one thing that has helped me is try to hang out with people that give me encourgement .
You know we never get to pick the family we are born in but we can get to a point that we rise above it and learn to lvoe ourselves the way we should be .I am not there yet i work on it but I wanted you to know I am not laughing at you I see yuor big heart and you are wonderful .
For me, people have tried to tell me I was being over sensative, maybe I was - but the main thing I have learned in Al-Anon - is that it is perfectly OK to take care of me. If a situation makes me feel uncomfortable, the I have the right to distance myself from that situation.
If I am in a group that is telling "jokes" that I feel is inappropriate or the humor is a little crude for my taste, I can simply walk away. If I am at a function where there will be drinking, I always take my own vehicle, so if the drinking gets out of control or if I feel uncomfortable, I have the option to leave.
Is all about having choices to distance myself for unacceptable behaviors and situations - Take care of you - You deserve the right to feel safe, accepted and comfortable with your friends.
People are going to think whatever they want know matter what you do - taking care of you and standing up for you and your feelings sometimes is the healthiest thing we can do -
Of course, this doesn't mean we have to assert our opinion and demand our way everytime - How Important is It? Does come into mind often.
So, it's about balance and can I accept this for a few hours - if not, then I have the option of leaving -
Just what I try to do to try to keep myself healthy,
Thanks,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Why do people laugh at other people? So they don't have to look at themselves? Sometimes, that is the case.
One alanon tool that I ahve picked up is, that your opinion of me is none of my business. Also it is beyond me control.
I try to focus on me, and to not care about what other people think of me. As long as I am doing the best I can with what I have, I feel that all I really need to concentrate on is listening HP.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Hello Anna - you hit the nail on the head when u said , "sometimes I feel I am oversensitive" I have found that most of us are who live with alcoholism. But ya know half of what goes on is not about us at all. Amazing how as crazy as we get we have that little bit of ego left some where in there that thinks it's all about us.
We are complicated people oversensitive , egotistic in someways no self esteem no self worth , prettty amazing actually. I have friends like u describe yourself overanlizer. And they cause themselves so much pain. learning to accept things as they are takes awhile knowing what we can and cannot change (longer)
One of my fav people in our f2f here is 86 yrs old who has some really neat gems that she shares with us on occasion. this is one of my fav after asking her the same queston you did. She said you know when were young its important that every one likes us , when we get to be 40 its important what they think of us - and she says that at 60 we find out "they weren't thinking of us at all"
Laugh with your friends , when u learn to laugh at yourself life will become much simpler, WE tend to become very serious when living with this disease and getting our sence of self back including the sence of humor is a gift. Be who u were ment to be. enjoy . Louise
Again you've put me on the right path. I've been wasting too much energy and really just giving my ego room to take over...and I didn't even realise what was going on.
From now on I'm going to work at keeping my energy for me.
thank you all for the new vision I owe you so much AM
"Joni, you are NOT THAT important, that others are busy all the day long focusing on YOU... what YOU are doing, what YOU are not doing.... don't you think they have other things they could be thinking/talking/laughing about... like, say, their OWN lives???"
