The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night, went out for a evening with friends. My A decided after we agree not to stay out too late because I have been working 10-11 hour days to come home so I could get some rest. Guess I knew I never should have went the whole night was a mess. Me and His drinking buddy's wife left them both at the bar. They didn't want to leave when we did so they said they would walk.
But somehow I was the lucky one that was able to hear the phone when it rang at 3:15 am (him drunk and appologizing) and 3:20 (Local police department had him on a drunk and disorderly). He didn't have keys because I took them from him before we left the house so he had no way to enter the house (one of my boundries I set up awhile back for times like these if he gets out of hand where I can't deal with it I have the option not to let him in the house).
At 5:30 am I get a phone call from his drinking buddy telling me he lost his wallet and wanted me to come pick him up because he couldn't get a hold of his wife. I told him no and that I didn't appreciate both of them disrespecting us (me and his wife) because we have jobs to work in the morning. That he would have to figure it out.
I don't feel bad about how I handle this actually I feel GREAT about how I did. Before the program I would have never been able to be this strong. I would have never had stuck to my boundries. Btw I know my HP is looking out for me. Because his wife and I got a kick out of this she also has been to alanon. Her family got her involved years ago. So it was nice to be able to support each other with this last night.
So today, I really think I am looking at life threw my "angel eyes" as I like to call them. Because it has been along time since I have seen things clearly. It is ovious I wasn't thinking about my best interest. This may sound harsh but here goes. Doesn't change the way I feel I love him. But it does make me realize I am not someones door mat and I don't have to put up with it. Lets just say when I saw his face this morning and he was all cut up and swallen bruised and battered. All I saw was disappointment and that was in me that I let him have this control over me for so long. I took one look at him and suddenly I knew I was detaching because I felt nothing for him in his condition, no pity, no anger, didn't care what had happend to make him look that way. Didn't care how he got home. Didn't care where he stayed, or if he drank himself into an oblivion. So when I got the phone call at work with the "I'm sorry appology", All I had to say was now is not the time or the place we will chat later.
Nice to finally be able to stand strong and not give in. For me that is an amazing reward for myself. Dang almost feel like I could run a marathon. Ok maybe not that good but darn close.
Oh, I am so proud of you for sticking to your boundaries. I know when I make my boundaries and stick with them that empowering feeling I get is excellent. Lets me know I am doing right by me.
I have only ever locked "A" out once, he was so hot about it at the time, but a few days later told me that he thought I did the right thing.
You are growing!
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Good job, Do! I have had a lot of trouble setting boundaries for myself, but am getting a little better. A couple of things I did before Alanon, was to never buy or furnish money for beer for my A, and that he is responsible for the house payment. I had these 2 boundaries in place, and never even realized they were boundaries, but it was a start!I think the really important thing we learn here about boundaries is to not set any that you are not sure you can enforce. Once you cave in, the A learns that you don't mean what you say. Good for you for setting a boundary that you can live with!
Keep up the good work. It takes courage to take care of ourselves first.
I think the really important thing we learn here about boundaries is to not set any that you are not sure you can enforce. Once you cave in, the A learns that you don't mean what you say. Good for you for setting a boundary that you can live with!