The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight I browsing and reading through a Dating-How-To book I recently picked up at the library. The book made suggestions on questions to ask onself (Who am I looking for, what is important to me in a partner?) and questions to ask about one's partner (How well do they get along with their family, how did they react to my young nieces and nephews, are they spiritual, ambitious, easy-going, etc.). As I read through this book, I found myself not so much curious about a potential date, but how I would answer these questions for myself: Who am I, what do I value? How do I feel about my life, my relationships with family and friends, my work, where I live? And, most importantly, do who I say I am and what I say I value match how I act and what I do in my life? If what I say and what I do, don't match what needs to change in my life?
As I thought about the various areas of my life, I found myself not just thinking about them, but feeling my feelings and paying attention to my emotions (joy, sadness, anger, etc.) and any physical feelings that arose in my body (hot, cold, warmth, discomfort, pain, etc.). It was an inventory of sorts to help me see what is great in my life and what needs healing.
Over the last few months, in the aftermath of a significant relationship break-up, my therapist had gently challenged me with the thought: How can I have confidence that I can have the life I want whether or not I have a significant other?
More and more as I think about this, I can see with a partner or without one, the major tasks of my life are really the same: eat healthy food, do good work, nurture myself and my relationships to my family, friends, and my HP. This thought is a good reminder for me because so often I get caught up in the "If only my ex would return... If only, I found someone new... If only someone loved and cared about me then I would...be happy, exericse, live the life I really want, etc.
As I get my focus back on me I find myself interested and curious in my own life. Who's in there? I think to myself? And, I find myself really wanting to explore and know the answer for myself. Just so that I KNOW for myself who I am. And this journey seems so delicious and adventuresome to me especially since growing up in an Alcoholic home, I developed a habit of putting the focus on everything and everyone except for myself.
