The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi everyone i want to thank all of you for your love filled replies with my situation. you are all so wonderful and i wouldnt be sane without you. my a did eventually turn up thank god. of course was drunk. so i sent him to his mom's. then i went there to get the keys to our apartment which literally turned into a fight with his mom. my a and handling this situation well but her interference just got crazy. it was a non stop fight all day with her. she is an addict as well. she was trying to put all this blame on me and brought things in the past calling me horrible names and everything. but i got through it and told her everything i was holding in for so long. i got it all out. i didnt let her get to me and my a talked to her and took his responsibility for his relapse and told her to get out of our business. i ended up getting the locks changed and informed the landlord of my a not being here anymore. everyone around me is a complete mess and crazy and im calm through all this. im full of regret right now and want to be with my a away from our families. i dont want my a here with me until he recovers for himself. he's telling me he is gonna do it but wants to do it with me. i told him i would talk to him but he needs to do this away from me. he is already taking the first steps, its just a matter of me staying strong and not allowing him back here right now. we may both see we are not to be together or we need eachother who knows. but we need to grow separatly for now. he had a relapse and i completly accept it. im fine with all of it. he made it clear he doesnt want to go back to the booze. but this stuff happens right? the stress right now is coming from those around us who are trying to tell us what to do. i have handed him to hp and my problems. but now i have to learn how to hand over our families interference to hp as well. im kind of rambling. so ill stop for now and keep you all updated.
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
I'd just like to encourage you to stay with what you know, and your recovery. He sounds like he is trying to come up with "conditional plans" for his recovery (i.e. he needs/wants you to be there every step of the way) , which is a sign that he isn't really "getting it" just yet... Ultimately, he needs to see this situation for what it is - a life or death decision for HIM.
Take care of you
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank the Lord!! Oh dear. I have gone through a few pacing,hysterical crying,calling the cops,calling hospitals moments;it's hellish.I am relieved he showed up alive for you.
I suppose it was a small relief to have him take responsibility,to the best of his ability, in front of his mother. Goodness knows where her head is at,but who cares..we care about YOU. As long as you know what to do and where to go..the days that could turn out just hopelessly dark have a little bit of light instead.
You maintained your calm..(sigh) Excellent job dear.Bravo.
Glad he's okay. Staying strong and keeping your boundries is so important in recovery. The past 2 years that my A has relapsed convinced me that as much as I love my hubby, I could not and would not live with an active A. Luckily this last relapsed scared him so much that he is sober and next week gets his 60 day coin!
Family and friends interferring in one's life is hard enough. Add addiction on top of that, and that is definitely a stress you don't need. We keep our distance from people who drag us on, and are bad for both of our recoveries. I was glad that hubby and I separated for a while, so that I could concentrate on me, and he did what he had to do. It was because we loved each other that we agreed to it. A lot of people didn't understand that. But that's their problem, not mine. It was the best thing for both of us. Do what you have to do, only you know best.
Love and blessings to you and your family. Keeping my fingers crossed for hubby's recovery.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am glad that things have settled down for you if one can say that. I think the worry is incredible. Lately I have not dealt with as much dramarama chaos. I think its because I no longer play into it as much. I think it is fantastic you set boundaries. They are hard to set around an A.
