The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a cancer scare a number of years ago and felt terrified. I am sure the A is terrified too but it sounds like he is not dealing with it.
There are lot of other disorders besides cancer that can cause a spot on the lung. They are treatable. There are some people who have lung cancer who go into remission after treatment they stay that way for years.
What are you doing to take care of you? I have had long distance relationships in the past and they were difficult but I think all relationships with an A are difficult. I am so very grateful I could come here and work on my issues, never mind the A's issues, this is a place for me and for me to work on me, not to worry about him, not to obsess either.
My own A has had significant health issues, las t year was one of the worst in my adult life because of his health issues. He certainly knows how to spread his misery. Whatever I did was not enough. I nursed him took over all the bills, took care of everything yet he went around telling everyone how mean I was to him. His friends and his mother did zilch. His mother gave him one small bag of groceries (if it cost her $30.00 it would have been a miracle) and she is still the one he adores. And his friends who did nothing are the messiahs. That is indeed life with an A, I am last on the list.
I felt tremendous fear, sorrow, panic and sadness for the A when he was sick. He had a heart attack scare recently, I did not run to the hospital, I did not offer to nurse him, I acknowledged it and said I was sorry but I did not put him before me as I have always done. That was real progress for me. He had a heart attack scare not a heart attack that is also important to remember. I told him to call his mother (after all she is the source of everything good) he did not. She has far far far more resources than I do. I have learned to look at my resources when I am asked to help. If I don't have them, I don't have them. I no longer go emotionally or physically bankrupt for others (I did before timeless amounts of times). I take my own welfar into consideration.
I think dealing with a person who is as self absorbed, self destructive and mean as my A is, I would be 6 feet under without al-anon. Welcome to this group. I hope it will help you as much as it did me.
(((((((camo))))))))))))))my prayers are with you Sweetie!!!! It is too bad there in such denial!! My mom was in denial too all the way till she died of this horrible dieases she too drank and smoked and she too really didn't care she just wanted relief from all the pain she was suffering for so many years!!!!
