hello all
Its my first post on the boards , but not my first visit to al-anon. i first came to al-non nearly 3 years ago , i was having difficultlies with my sister and my unability to let go of trying to control her and her drinking i became very resentful of her and her behaviours.
It wasnt until i sat in that unfamiliar room that i got a glimpse of myself and my own using , here i was saying how awful my sister was but i was getting high every day of the week. Something hit me hard it was honesty , i relised if i was ever to get well i had to get honest with myself about who and what i had become. Shortly after my joining al-anon , i took myself to my first n.a meeting, i had so many issues but as is said in al-anon let it begin with me. I started seeing a therapist on a weekly basis, still her concern was my using, i began to see i was"the addict". I was desperatly trying to fix everyone and hiding from myself. I soon entered rehab and started to get well , my husband joined na too and life for us changed dramaticly, i had never been happier i worked so hard on me and changing the life patterns i was raised in. I had never known i came from a disfuctional family, why would i, i never spoke to the" normies" the boring ones. I had a lot of work to do i had to go back to the start and relearn that things that happened with in my family home were not healthy i started to see changes with my relationships with everyone my mum, my dad , even the sister i once dispised. The fruits of my labour, were sweet. I could now enjoy life as it was meant to be, i have a soild programme of recovery and a very content family my girls my husband and me and the wonderful news i am expecting a new baby. Sadly my husband made a decision that he doesnt want to have the new life any more and he relapse 4 months ago. So i have made a choice to not enter that life again and he is leaving our family home next week, i would never ask him to choose the decision is mine, i cant have that life back not even as a spectator. It is a sad time for me i feel torn, but after everything i have been through , i know i wont be alone, i am being minded and as a wise aa once told me , when daniel escaped from the lions den, he never went back for his hat.
thanks for listening