The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok you know A wrote and did not want a divorce? He is in jail, dui.
So I sent him a letter that he has a lot of work to do if he wants to stay married.
Then I sent a letter telling him my boundaries. 90 in 90, AA serious program of recovery, go on lithium he is bi polar, go to Va everytime he feels sick headacke tummy acke. He has to show all this to get his SSD. take his meds, work on positive self talk, put me first.
Ok Ok lets call this not a boundary list but at FANTASY!!!!! HA HA
Hey I mean it though, I really do. Those are my boundaries.
Ok now here is what makes me so totally hopeless. When my phone rings, I hope it is him, when i go get the mail, I want a letter from him. gads I am so so so so so so what is the word for someone who still wants the same idiot she has loved since she was 17 who has done about everything bad and good to her all that time????
I don't pray to not love him anymore. Does not matter becuz I am comfy with it now. Once I learned of course I love him, he has a disease. I would love him if he had both legs cut off for petes sake.
HE is so fortunate to have me I must say!!! (c:
I am feeling strange, foggy. Like my reality is distorted. Do you think living with a horse, a huge pig, 19 pots, 4 goats, 3 llamas, 8 dogs, 28 or so cats, two turkeys, two rats, 3 guinea pigs and 3 goldfish could do that???
Time for a reality check. I am going to Goodwill. hugs and love from the numbskull, debilyn
(((Debilyn))) you make me smile. I don't think you're hopeless at all. Matter of fact, I think we can see reality and still have hope that something might change, that a miracle may happen. HP gave us that emotion "hope" for a reason I believe. What would we have if we had no hope? Ugh, I don't even care to imagine...but the word "despair" comes to mind. So I wouldn't be so hard on myself about having hope. Seems like a good thing to me.
Luv ya, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I don't think you are hopeless, I think you are hopeful. I have not been with my "A" as long as you have. But I know that the love I have for him and the hope of recovery have been what I have clung to. I believe that all things are possible with the love and guidence of HP. HP is stronger than this disease and that is where my hope lies. (Whether the "A" recovers is his choice and I am not saying that when someone leaves their "A" it means they have no hope in HP, just my resons for staying with my "A" is all)
From your letter that you sent to your "A", I read hope in you letter and what you asked of him. Sure him doing it may or may not happen, but would you have asked if you did not at least have a tiny bit of hope of it happening?
Hope is what brings us here. Hope is what keeps us coming back. I for one am happy that I have met you here, and that you keep returning, I get so much from your posts.
Much Love,
Mandy (Dolphin123)
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I think it is so healthy when people write their true feelings and get them out. I agree with the hopeful part since I live with a similiar situation but not to the degree you do. I try to believe in Miracles too. For me it goes back to expectations. None of knows the future. Boundaries are good. It is great you can show him the boundaries required to be at your home. Now, just focus on you and wait for HPs timing. All those critters are there showing you unconditional love and isn't that what all of us want and need so badly? Your friend in recovery, cdb xoxoxoxo
THE CLOSEST YOU ARE TO BEING HOPELESS IS MAYBE YOU'RE JUST A HOPELESS TEENAGER IN LOVE---THAT'S OK
GET YOUR BOUNDARIES BURNED INTO A PLANK AND HANG IT IN THE BARN-READ IT ALOUD TO YOUR ANIMALS EVERYDAY...
I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THE 28 CATS BUT I'VE HAD SOME PRETTY INTELLIGENT CONVERSATIONS WITH A HORSE A DOG AND A FISH IN MY LIFETIME-AND I THINK IT'S ALL FOR THE GOOD...
Hopeless....? Not by any means! You've given me hope in many of your posts. If you're feeling hopeless maybe it's because you've so generously given much hope to others and need to fill your reserve again!
You said it.... this guy has done everything bad and good to you. Why is it hopeless to wish for the good parts and to be able to deal with or minimize the bad parts. He'll need to meet you in the middle.... most likely with.... changes from both of you. Only we can decide what we'll live with or not. Only he and you.... can decide how much you are willing to compromise and change yourselves... to find the path you can walk together or not.
As for sanity I live with 2 cats , 9 horses , and 5 Jack Russell Terriers. They keep me sane and sad. One of my horses is gravely ill. She is in the ICU at a hospital. I'll bring her home this week to live out what is left of her life. She is only 3 and has a congenital defect we were not aware of. It came to a head when she was out on trial to be sold. I have no choice but to decrease my number of horses with the divorce. Wonderful friends are helping me pay her bill until I can pay them back. I was going to euthanize her.... due to my inablilty to afford a big vet bill with my current situation. These friends said absolutly not. We will treat her until she tells us it is time. I'm so fortunate to have friends like these.....since I have a family that is nowhere to be found. So how insane am I ? If your animals are anything like mine they are family.
((())) Just go with the flow, surrender to the universe whatever you are feeling at the time. Let's face it our moods tend to change from one week to another. Have faith that whatever happens HP will be there for you. Now about those animals -you do know the saying about owners resembling their animals don't you? lol Don't ever change we love you for who you are. Take care and lots of cuddles for all your babies. Luv Leo xx
