The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I found this quite some time ago on another forum and it helped me to put things in perspective so much that I keep it in my documents folder so I can read it again when I need to. I hope it helps you all as much as it did me.
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do.
You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Oh how glad I am you posted this. I am 52 and have many A's in my family. It seems so true what is in that letter. I have alot of confusing moments when I am in the thoughts about CHOICE vs SICKNESS. I tryed to have a conversation today and was critisized saying they are sick. I guess we do have a right to an opinion on that, aren't we ? Not sure if its against alanon to say anything about it being their choice. It was with the person that heard my comment.
The letter you've posted seems to be alot of what the experience was for me in my family. And from my only daughter. It hurts so bad when they do some of the terrible things they do. Just the other day when my A-dau was drunk she threatened to "Beat my a** when she finished her drink". I left of course. Now she probably doesn't even remember it. And no way is it possible to mention that she was that way to her. It seems some don't get to experience what its like when it happens that way and have no way to understand. Yet some talk as if they do and doesn't come near the reality.
Well, better not say too much. But am glad to have you here and that you shared the letter. I will save it myself for my documents as it seems so true.
BLESSINGSPEACECOURAGE
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Thanks so much for posting this, as it is soooo true. I don't honestly believe that this is a jaded or negative view, but simply reality. I read many posts, where we say that "our A's aren't like that", but the reality is.... this IS a progressive disease, and left untreated, they will get to this level.
I find this to be a great eye opener for us all....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks for that. How true it is!! Another reminder as to why I am where I am. It took a lot of years and a lot of tears before I could see through it. There's no denying that 'it is what it is'...but I've grown so much along the way... that now I'm finally beginning to see my blessings from experiencing it.
Hi Mobirdie 
PEACE
COURAGE