The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Life has been fantastic for the last 6 months - my new relationship has been downright perfect and then it happened - the FIRST FIGHT. It took well 5 1/2 months really for it to happen and now I am the little scared small child waiting for everything to just fall apart. I dont fight well and it sticks in my head for days on end.
Because of dealing with the A - I am convinced that everything starts getting all funky once a fight happens and then there is no way to fix anything. I am convinced the words "I dont love you enough - I tried to love you - I dont deserve you" will start coming out and I DONT EVER WANT TO HEAR THAT AGAIN!! I dont want a mind f#ck all over again and I am terrified.
My boyfriend is totally stressed out - he doesnt have a job right now - he left in in May and hasnt found one since. He is totally maxed out and cant pay his bills and he is pulling away emotionally. I am trying my hardest to be strong and patient and understanding - but his frustration is affecting US. I want to run away and hide - I want to pull from him to not get HURT again. I dont want to hear that I am not worth it - that the stress is too much for him to handle me as well.
I am so freaking out - my A and my mother really screwed with my head - and I want to run!!
I think..... if you re-read your post, you can see an awful lot of learning and awareness, on your part, in your recovery.... You know that you are having "fears", that are being drummed up from your past, and the answer most likely lies in the "communications". Facing your fears, talking about them, coming clean with your b/f, etc., to clear the air - sounds like it will do you a world of good. Live in the moment.... one day at a time....
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am so sorry you are going through this now. What I did when my ex lost his job was to try and put the shoe on my foot. How would I feel if it was me? What words would I want to hear from my partner? I told him that I had the utmost confidence in him to find another job. Even though inside I was in chaos! I was certain the whole cycle was starting again. Be the wondereful, sane, supportive woman we all know you are. This too shall pass.
Hi cyn get the focus back on you quick , there is nothing yu can do about him . Remember ????regardless of who him is. Support his efforts and leave it at that . And I so do understand your fear , we are so insecure that we are sure ONE fight will end it all. not so it was just a dissagrement and that happens all the time , it dosent have to be the end of anything I have actually found looking back that most of our arguments were the beginning of a new understanding for both of us .. Hang in there Louise
I'm doing the Ala-nod reading the replies. Focusing on you is all you can do right now. You've heard the acronym for FEAR. False Expectations Appear Real. Instead of pulling away, maybe dive into your program. Maybe then you can get to the fear and deal with it, while offering him support during his crisis.
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
