The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since I will be out of town and perhaps out of touch for a week beginning on Father’s day, I wanted to leave a gift about the past year and a half since my father passed on.
At the end of his life here, my father said to me, “You tell that family of mine, it is time to become more serious about God. We’re dawdling. We aren’t going to evolve unless we start changing. You have to go to your spirituality. You wouldn’t think I thought about these matters, but I did. I’m talking about things I didn’t do.”
On the day he passed away, unable to talk, he held up four fingers, and then pointed one down: Four…now… “For now.” Goodbye for now. “We’ll see you in heaven tomorrow,” my sweet twin sister said to him. “There is no time in heaven, so it will be tomorrow for you when we get there, she said.” And he nodded. “Focus on God,” she said, as he gently closed his eyes to sleep.
I realized that although I have always had this quiet awareness of my spirituality, it has remained that: quiet. So I promised I would do more about it. Whatever it meant to “go to our spirituality” I would pursue it. The results over the past eighteen months have been powerful. And the last six months with my new extended family in alanon, have been truly remarkable. It all began with these words I spoke at his funeral….
"We don’t believe we will see him again, we know we’ll see him again. We can resonate in that, vibrate in the joy of that if we choose to. And there couldn’t be a better day to begin. To become serious about God doesn’t mean to lose joy, or freedom. For now, it means: don’t let these blessings, this valuable experience, wash over us like late night TV. It takes some contemplation to remember who we really are. It takes some doing to “go to our spirituality.” Through the years of my life, Dad loved to stop and ask me, “Are you ok?” I finally realized that all he really wanted for me was to actually BE ok, and that takes some doing. To be healthy, balanced, successful, patient, peaceful, gracious and happy, takes some doing.
Daddy, we have so much for which to be grateful, so much to anticipate.
You taught me that.
You taught me how to enjoy a good laugh, and to give a great smile.
You taught me how to be good, and to be genuinely glad for that.
You taught me to forgive, and to reap the benefits of that.
You taught me it’s ok to cry and not be ashamed of that.
You taught me to love my children, and how wonderfully I am rewarded for that.
You taught me to be aware of nature and brought me to the mountains to appreciate that.
You taught me to respect nature and its bountiful resources.
You taught me to love animals, and I like that.
You taught me to be quiet. Well, I haven’t done much with that.
You taught me to be strong; you exemplified that.
You taught me to be brave, and then personified that.
You taught me to care, to be a kind and loving man. And I love you for that.
You want me to become more serious about God? That will take some doing. I’ll do that.
And so you want me to be ok?
I am that.
Goodbye for now Daddy. For now."
My sweet friends, every day has been another opportunity to have a "for now", and it comes in so many ways: "just for today", "one day at a time", "be here now", "live in the present", "love one another". Thank you for so many opportunities to "go to my spirituality" which is the healing source the steps of recovery lead to, for me. And "father" spiritually, to me means: our source, "Our Father" So I celebrate with my father, every day, knowing he is fine. And I celebrate the sweetness we share here every day, knowing I'm ok, and getting better, and so are you.
That was beautiful! Made me cry though. Wish I could find words like that about my dad. He was sick with Asim. Cannot really remember alot of good times yet. I hope the memories come one day.
This is going to be my 2nd Father's Day without my daddy. Thanks to the program and people like yourself, I realize more strongly than ever that my connection with him is not lost. By finding my HP I have found my father again and I feel him with me cheering me on all the time. My daddy was the catalyst for my program. I drove by the cemetary the other day where his body is, it felt so empty there. In those moments of quietly talking and reflecting with him I knew in my heart that I would no longer need to go there to be in contact with him. I cried like a child and thanked him for his gift - my road to recovery. It has been very difficult for me to see the good in losing him here on this earth. I want desperately to feel his arms around me - to hear him say "How ya doin hon?" His quiet presence and guidance was more than I recognized while he was here on this earth. He knows how much I love him, still love him, still rely on him. All that can't be encompassed on one Single day of the year. I laugh when I think that if everyday can be my birthday...why can't every day be Father's Day too :O)
At first I too was crying with pride & joy & in the love you so clearly express for your father. I thought, 'I wish I knew your father' but the way you share him with us, allows us to know him too. Truly you are Blessed, in your deep profound love & just knowing you are there, a shining bright star, gives me strength my friend & I thank you.
I use to love watching the door & u drew me to you or God threw a brick at me to share an opening line & welcome you with loving arms. Your kindness & love through your shares has given me rise to more tears of joy & an overwhelming since of validation. I thank God for you & so happy you came in when you did... you certainly have made an effect on me.
I want to relflect the words back to you, to work on your spirituality & focus on you, you are worth it & you are very loved... I'm just a tiny light of many sparkling here & beaming right back at you!
Have a wonderful Father's Day, Love, -K o L
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
(((mac))))))) I am , I believe that your father sees from the heavens how you have grown ...let yourself grow within with your spiritually. Can I take you home with me? You are such a sweet sweet soul. I love your spirit. I adore you. I adore your poems. I am so happy for you to let yourself find this within you and then to share it with others. I have no words to express this gratitude. I am grateful.
Your strength~ that you share~ from this~ I (me) gain ~ and it becomes my strength in that~ that I share ** I think to ask ~ is it? BUT I already know the answer..... YES ~ IT IS HP/Gods strength~ HP/Gods Love~ HP/Gods Guidance~ that is flowing through us... to and for and of one another. To others. Such Blessings.
To share such feelings, such strong spirited words is truly a wonderful thing. You do so eloquently.
I just want to wrap you up and keep u safe. Keep you all to myself... lol. I LOVE your es&h. I Love your shares. I Love You. Keep coming back ~ Keep Looking uP!
I am grateful.