The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was at a meeting and someone said that his wife bought their daughter a sofa and was having it delivered. He was concerned because his wife would be resentful if their daughter did not call and say thank you. I don't know why, but I thought of this.... Did the mother buy it for her daughter to fulfill her own need of appreciation? If I buy something for someone I don't expect anything, not even a thank you. If I do expect something in return then it was not done out of love. Does that make sense to anyone else?
Yes I know what you are saying, however this is her daughter here.
We teach our children to be polite and to have appreciation. There is more implied here, to me. than just a gift to a friend.
I can see how come the husband was concerned. He would want his wife to feel appreciated by her daughter.
For some reason a lot of us are always needing from our closest love ones. Kids want their parents approval forever, parents want to know their kids know all they have done for them.
Parents need to know their kids have good memories and felt loved growing up.
The daily reading this past wednesday was on politeness and being curteous. I cant remember if it was in odat or courage to change but I think you should definately read it. It will probably be worth your while. Hope this helps.
I was raised to always be polite. After being in therapy, I have learned that sometimes people will give you things as a control method, that is to have their needs (e.g. need of appreciation) met in a non-direct, manipulative manner. So maybe the mother gave her daughter the sofa to meet her own needs. My ex did this constantly. Then the pushing and shoving started. It was an excuse to abuse me. He couldn't confront the person he was really angry with(his mother) so he continues to do this to every woman he dates.
