The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had the the experience this morning of becoming a victim to my own expectations. The past few weeks have been straight out for me. Running the kids here and there, work, a wedding etc. Basic stuff for a mom. I have been doing what I can to take some time for me - easy given the constant rainy weather. Rainy days mean no softball which mean I can make another meeting.
I have found however, that this continued rainy weather apparently is affecting me as my seasonal affective disorder does. The damp & cold have caused an old back injury to flare up leaving me in considerable amount of pain & discomfort. It has also systematically caused a change in my overall mood.
This morning I had to get up early and run 3 out of 5 kids to various activities. When I returned I climbed back into bed and my husband just rolled over. I was hoping that he would offer to rub my back and when he didn't I got upset. I then got further into my head and really hit the pity pot good. I started thinking about all the things I do for the kids that are never acknowledged or in my mind today not appreciated. All of this thinking combined with the weather related physical & emotional issues I found myself in anger then in tears.
After a good cry, a long nap, a good dinner, and a movie w/ my youngest one, I can say I feel much better. I cant do anything about the weather - but I can take steps to help me stay on top of my game. Feeling my feelings, taking necessary rests and generally taking care of myself help me to make it through each day. Above all, not expecting things from others and not expecting to much from myself is crucial to my well-being.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I can certainly relate to needing to remind myself to take care of me, too. I had part 1 of an emergency root canal last week, and my mouth hurts alot. So, this weekend, I have reminded myself that I really am not feeling my best, and set aside my gigantic weekend to-do list to take care of myself. Resting has helped a lot. When I'm awake, I read or watch a funny movie, and just generally am trying to take it easy.
Don't beat yourself up, you're doing great. When our health fails us it's just that much harder to go easy on ourselves, just when we need it the most! It's too bad that when we're down health wise that no one steps up to help. One more reason for us to take care of ourselves!
I'm suffering a sinus headache today that just won't give up! Luckily I'm able to go easy and put the chores off until tomorrow. I'm sure they'll still be there!
Just know that what you do for your kids will come back to you ten fold as you raise well rounded kids. So pat yourself on the back :)
I can relate to this Karen when you ask someone to do something simple to help out and they look at you like you asked for the moon. I have to remind myself that the running around for others that I do is of my choosing and often part of being such a control freak. Also we have to remember that people can't read our minds. I think you got yourself out of a big hole and quite frankly nothing wrong with feeling a little sorry for yourself if you felt like s..t. Luv Leo xxx
In moving out of chaos which is really how the A and I lived I have to be absolutely in tune with myself. This weekend I have not been feeling that well and i have to put my health first at all times because I know I have no one to look after me if I get really sick. That is one of my constant issues with theA he wants me to take care of him but it is not reciprocal. And I know now without a doubt after 7 years it is absolutley not reciprocal. He would let me die if it came down to it. Right now he is between "buddies" and is at home a lot. I would really rather he be off with one of his buddies then at home as there is only resentment and sniping from him and not real interest in changing anything. That's kind of irionic because I used to super resent his buddy relationships.
I set tremendous limits with the A these days. There is no more my feeling responsible for his behavior. At the same time he is really not "there" in a partner way on any level. He seeks to pass the buck to me on so many levels. He always has. The issue is that before I did not see that I just used to crave his few golden crumbs of acknoweldging we had a relationship. I played along with all his games of unavailability. The issue is that he is plain unavailable and will be unless he gets sober. There are days when I can live with that and acknowledge it and other days when I resent it. The days when I resent it are shorter. The progress is that I no longer try to change that and I do not acknowledge that all the change needs to be me. He would like to say it is all me but most of the chaos these days comes from him. He no longer ropes me into it as an accomplice anymore.
!