The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My one year anniversary in the program is in November. I have worked the steps, go to 5 meetings a week and currently sponsor 3 newcomers. My sponsor says that I am living and breathing the program, that I have done a great job giving back to my home group. My question is how much is too much? I asked my sponsor and she said if I get to the point that I need to H.A.L.T ( too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired) that I should not take on any more newcomers. Essentially, only give from my overflow. I agree with that statement but here is where I have a problem. When I entered the program in November, I asked four different people to sponsor me and I was turned down on numerous occasions. I was so heartbroken, not to mention gunshy about asking for another sponsor that my heart goes out to anyone that asks me for sponsorship. I realize that I can agree to be a temporary sponsor which is what I have told everyone that I am working with now, just in case they feel a better bond with someone else in my home group. So, I do know that is an option. But, I am interested in the ESH that those that have sponsored can offer on this issue.
I struggled with this issue, as the need out there/here can be quite overwhelming.... When it came right down to it, however, my sponsor helped me see the issue for what it was.... whether it was dealing with my A and her addictions, or dealing with the issue of should I take on more sponsee's..... it was a matter of putting myself and my needs at the highest priority.... not selfish, but self-care.
Today, I try to do what I can, and talk to some people intermittently, but haven't taken on a true sponsorship role in awhile.... and it feels..... right.
Trying to be a sponsor for everyone in need is putting us in danger of playing the martyr, and we can't really provide a good service to those needing true sponsorship.
JMO
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
The first time a person asked me to sponsor her, I knew I wasn't ready. I had not completed my fourth step - in fact I was in the beginning of it. I shared that with her and asked her to realize it wasn't about her, it was me, I wasn't ready. That was about a year ago, she is still in our group and shared with me a month ago, that she didn't feel rejected at all. She was glad she was finally with people that would be honest with her.
Several members in our group when approached with a request to be a sponsor, will ask for time to seek spiritual guidance before giving an answer, some feel that as long as you are not over loading yourself you should always say yes, some do the temporary sponsor, like you said, it's all about what works for you. . .
I guess the main thing is to always remember that you can take it like we do everything else, One Day at A Time - Today, I agree to the sponsor/sponsee relationship but if at anytime either of us feels overwhelmed, uncomfortable, or just needs a change, then we are free to explore other options.
Just my ES & H,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
