The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, at least there is a plan to relocate. I thought it might be in a few weeks. I called to get sq.footage of apt and found out only mailing app today and may be 2-3 wks to process and maybe some weeks after to move in. The isolation gets soooo hard to deal with. I used to be able to have a bus just down the street b4 Hurricane Katrina made me leave home never to go back so unexpectedly. I never dreamed my A-dau would be so cold and still so angry. I never dreamed to not see the grankids but a few times and I'm in the next bldg.
Last week I saw her for the 1st time in almost 2 months, drunk of course. She tells me she kicked out the youngest A-dad again. Beings I am sorting and packing to move, I brought alot of things to put on here door as she wasn't home last night. Today I brought more and they were home. She was babysitting and beings the mom. Telling me all about him and not knowing feelings and including his family, the kids other grandma that gets them weekly. I didn't respond hardly at all. It felt like she had not one feeling about me period. I felt as only a sounding board. She told the older one to hug dreamaw bye, that I was moving in a few weeks. He did it evenso he seemed to be totally void of any feelings and so mechanical. I just wanted to run as fast out of there as I could. I did tell her that I wished she could of allowed us to be different while I was here, and the comment from her was, I don't want to argue about it and the look of total rejection that I even exist except to listen about her and her life.
If it hadn't been for what I did in Alanon, ACA and other recovery I had over the years, don't think I could handle at all. I guess I'm in survival mode. I hate it. The experience with the A-mom was no worse than ever b4 either. I sure wished it would of been a reuniteing and new connections. I'm not sure how to leave without that. Maybe there is something I just can't see or realize yet. I fear for her being here alone with kids 1 second and want to run to a life for me the next. 1 second I wish i'd a never been here and the next grateful for the crumbs I did have.
Its so confusing to have so many conflicting feelings and have no support. It had affected me so horrible when I first came here and all what happened happened. I feel so withdrawn from life here and no transportation to even go somewhere.
I suppose she didn't have to even tell me her feelings at all. Maybe I'm being too selfish to think she could even acknowlege me, or did she by talking to me about herself and her life ?
Sure could use some ESH, prayers and lifelines to make it through the next weeks. I don't know alot about reaching out as I was expected to be the rock of gibralta for the family. They all told me my turn would come when I was older. Well, most are gone already and almost no one left.
Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you. BLESSINGS
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
just a bit of things to give you some thoughts.. to (("STOP.")) the , those feeling(s) alone. The thoughts that are sad or bitter or not what you want them to be. I havethem too. So many of us do. You know this. Any~ way. One is...... " In 3 words, I can sum up everything I've learned about Life: It Goes On." Its written by Robert Frost it says further that......" I can look at an unplanned even in my life as a part of lifes cycle. I need to trust that life will go on."
[ Now...please to pardon my not being completely correct with the fear and faith verses below., but I love em' (it) nonetheless. Keeps me ("myinnerthoughts) busy when I tend to tarry with it. (my innermindfulness) .... i suppose just like the Lords Prayer can fill me right up for time enough to over come the anxiety/fear/ or even the aloneness of the moment.) I have written this as best as I can recall . I ask again to forgive I'm not literally correct in this rememberance of words. But... they have touched and helped me so when times were uncertain. They help(ed) me to remember " I am not alone." Ever. My Higher Power, My God, Holds me each and avery step of my life. A Dear Life. A Life God has Blessed "ME" to live as I see it is right to be. can you tell., I tend to ramble a bit, but want so much to be understood, that I am only trying to help in a small but strongly heartfelt way too. Ok, here goes.]
fear imprisons FAITH liberates fear paralyzes FAITH empowers
fear disheartens FAITH encourages fear sickens FAITH heals
fear makes useless FAITH makes us serviceable.
((((((((Djurne))))))) <<< BIGHUG
I choose to think FAITH makes us serviceable (not just to others) BUT also...to "ourselves in thought," in reaching out to others and in helping assure us (our selves) we are making and taking that next step F o r w a r d with the help of our Higher Power/God in that WE have someone (HP/GOD) holding our hand as we do move forward. Moving forward in life can be exciting and beautiful. Dreams are there and reality can be yours to make it as you have always wanted it for the child within you.
I pray for you to remain strong and to keep your mind , your thoughts in today and tomorrows and to let all the (bad) yesterdays go. The young ones, the innocent children, will grow and move on and God will surprise you with blessings from them in later days. Move forward, look forward., be an example of how life goes on.... Keep Looking uP!
(((((D53))))) hope you get your place soon, it must be terribly hard waiting like that. Am so sorry for the things you are going thru with your daughter.
My daughter and I are doing pretty good now, but a few months ago, it was awful. She is so upset about my decision to stay with my A husband. She doesn't understand A's. She also has ptsd, and freaks out easily, especially about me. She is my only child, and is very protective of me. Right now, I think she is just trying to cope with the fact that I am staying. It is hard on her, but she is grown, married, and has her own life. I cannot control her, nor can she control me.
It is so very, very hard when conflict comes between you and your child, no matter their age. Keep coming back, we will love you and let you vent your frustration with your daughter.
Aside from that, I don't know what to say. Am very, very sorry for your pain.
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I read all the responses and they are all positive. You do have friends here. I am new but I feel so at home here. I love reading everyone's wise words and caring, caring words.
D, It has always been hard for me to be at that inbetween place, not really "here" and not "there" yet either. When it comes to transitions, the "limbo" time is almost unliveable for me. I guess it is part of the stress of change and moving. I hope you can find some joy in the day today. Please stay in touch with us.
You are not alone. And this is what they tell me when I feel isolated. You have been through alot and it seems it continues. But look at your progress. Sometimes for me it is perspective. If I look at it from a different angle my situation looks differently. As always our HP's have a great plan for us but not without alot of hard work.
BLESSINGS 
as we do move forward. Moving forward in life can be exciting and beautiful. Dreams are there and reality can be yours to make it as you have always wanted it for the child within you.
HuG)))