The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For personal complications I have avoided the site all together for a time... and it didn't take long for my mind to slip completely & fall into the preying brain suck of depression.
I need the outlet, support & grounding, for as much as I know, truly each moment I'm a beginner and all of the slogans, acronyms, knowledge have to be reapplied. I am eating humble pie, I may as well be green but this last slip into my own "crap" and negativity hasn't been so long but it was painful & I alienated myself.
it is hard to swallow the bitter pill, that we are an active participant in this, we own our own feelings, we're only manipulated if we agree to fall into it. So for a cat I've needed 9,000 lives (chances) not a mere nine. But it is okay, I can pick right up where I left off, certainly God hasn't let go of me or let me down, it is I that turn my back, it is I that turn back again to face the growth.
I may have grown up ACOA but I love my mother in all of her brainy mantras that she spouted off to me, one being, "Pain of growth or pain of decay, you decide." I rather pick up & grow, besides decaying stinks and it hurts.
I am responsible for my own recovery and life & no one else's, that's a relief. All I have to do is live my own life the best way I can, if I slip I know I can come back. I know God will forgive me if I forgive myself and won't turn he/she/it's back on me.
Daisies, green grass & grasshopper's; each moment is a new opportunity for me to choose, I can work it or feel sorry for myself... Just for today I'm working it. All I have concrete is this actual moment, the gift is our 'present' & I'm taking it!!!
It's great if "they" go into recovery but I have to focus on my own and my recovery & issues are very different than the A's are. Also, it is private, my Program isn't to be shared w/ the A's... as we struggle in entirely different ways.
Love, the Kitty w/ a Hundred names
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Kitty good for you coming back. yes depression is awful. Gads I hate it. I know kitty when I feel it, I am just hoping it is only for a day, just a sorta normal HALT thing you know? And not the month to month icky stuff.
I love how you share, glad you are back. love,debilyn
Kitty: Your inspiring quotes and determination are part of why I am so keen on self care. I never was before. I can definitely relate to how easy it is to slip back into depression. I have to set very very reasonable goals for myself.
I am so glad that you are back and hope that you keep sharing. I know you have had a hard time with your mother and the car and the accident among other things. I think it is easy to identify with one's mother and have a negative self image. It is really magical to construct something out of "nothing" and I see you doing it day in day out.
I have thoughts of You often ..... praying that you are staying strong minded, have set or are setting personal goals for your own "self." That you will/ are staying with your program...... even if we dont get to see you HERE... I really think alot on hoping&wishing&praying (LOL) that your spending time talking with at group or even more importantly with your sponsor.
I see that "timings" a big factor in my absense.... I am not able to come here when I want or as often as I really would prefer.I do look forward to the times that I am able to do so. IT just isn't as much I really would like.
(((( ThankYou HP))))) for letting me know KITTY is ok, by making her post us something., lol.
Take careYou HOPE TO SEE YOU in CHAT (&) I'm praying for "good timing" so that we atleast get to be nearer to one another at an online ~ chat~ meeting
Keep Looking uP! Keep it Simple To thine own self be true.
Thanks to Alanon~ for having local meetings ~online meetings available for all of us ~for all the wonderful friends we have found through this wonderful program ~ for all the wonderful ~much loved people like You., KITTY.