The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been really struggling for a long time when I Message some of my Family Members, trying to keep in touch with them, and especially my younger ones.When I don't hear from them, nor see them, I have a multitude of emotions. I have had an awful lot to deal with the younger Members of my Family most of their lives, but when things change, and I no longer see or hear from them, it is most difficult not to blame myself, that I have done something wrong, or that they have just loving me. I am not frightened to look at myself to see if my behaviour has caused any of it. Over time, I have stopped contacting them, and letting them decide if they want to be part of my life. It was causing me an awful lot of pain until I read one of the readings, and now when my feelings get caught up in it, and I start to feel, hurt, sad, cranky, I stop and re read the following sharing, and that helps me to get back on track, with my feet on my ground once more. So here it is.
"When I've said it the Best that I can" -I've said the Best I Can'.
There is only so much I can do to help others, or a Certain Persons understand me. Beyond that my best efforts are wasted. Especially if the other person doesn't want to understand.It is impossible to Communicate with someone who cannot, or will not Communicate with me.The communication problem doesn't always lie with me, it may lie with others who 'choose' not to listen. I am responsible for communicating my thoughts, feelings as clearly as I can.
But I am not responsible for the other person's interpretation of my message. I've done my part when I've honestly said what I have to say. If the other person won't accept it, or feels hurt, confused, or angry, I am not responsible, and I am not obliged to endlessly keep on trying to explain myself, Other people's refusal to hear is not my problem- Its' theirs. Sincere seekers of understanding will find it.
'Today, I will not be hurt, nor frustrated by some one else's unwillingness to communicate, I will accept what is."
I have put my thoughts and feeling out to most of my Family, saying how much I miss them and the younger ones, when I get nothing back, I look at what sort of relationship I really have. If I find that is it uneven, I am not prepared to keep trying and do all the work, especially, when my feelings are attached to it. that is why this reading has helped me so very much.
{{{Wendy}}} Your post is so important and I love the quote, so much so that I wrote it down. I think it is Einstein who blessed us with the definition of insanity (I recently read that there is no proof Albert coined this but it's great): doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I try to learn from my behaviors that aren't working--can I do something different or take a break? Often the "pause and think" is a good solution. Remembering Step 1--we are powerless over others, and on a good day, I have control over myself. WHEN I'VE SAID IT THE BEST I CAN--I'VE SAID THE BEST I CAN. Amen, and thank you. :)
Hi Lyne, was lovely to hear from you, and yes, When I am struggling with things and Life, I forget to tell myself to stop and Breathe, so, that is a good reminder for me today.
I wanted to day how Sorry I am that you are watching your Brother go through what he is. Life can surely be so cruel and painful. I had an incident this week with one of my Great Granddaughters. She is 11 and was playing soccer at School, fell over and broke her wrist in 2 placers. Had to have Surgery to have it pinned. Nothing like this has happened like this before, and for me, it was really hard to watch it happen, and how it was going to work out for them all. I feel their pain.She has her arm plastered nearly from the shoulder down to her fingers. But went to see her and her Family yesterday, and felt a lot better in myself afterwards, as they seem to be coping okay. It isn't going to be easy for her, as she is right handed.
So, I can really relate to your journey with your Brother, thank heavens for the Program, I say, and I will be thinking about you and your Brother, One Day At A Time, One Step At A Time. hope you have a lovely weekend.
Hi Wendy, I was an active member of MIP several years ago and occasionally pop in from time to time and read the posts. I found the quote you shared, calming. I recently had interactions with my son that were very hard, resulting in radio silence from him. This is the first time since he was a teenager (hes 44) that hes cut off communication.I keep reliving how I could have said things differently, but I think I did ok. I suspect hes been drinking again. I learned from the school of hard knocks and Al anon when to say what, but darn its hard. One day at a time and this too shall pass are good things for me to remember.
Lyme, I dont know what is happening with your brother, but Id like to offer you peace.
Paula
