The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I'm due for a break from the hum drum routine, the A, and the kids. Some days I want to get in my car and travel to a remote beach area, check into a hotel and just relax for two whole days. I could use a week honestly, who couldn't right?
I hate to admit this to myself much less anyone else but that's what this website and this program is for, to be rigourously honest with ourselves and others. I've looked into a Spa/Hotel that's two hours away. They have Spa packages. I asked one of my friends to join me, we would both be driving the same distance to get there, and my friend will already be in the town visiting some family. The other bonus, my mom lives in this town and she would probably watch my kids for the day and night. ( Can ya tell I've thought about this)
So my big dilhemma... leaving town and my A alone for a night or even a weekend. My insecurity.... will he drink? Will he envite this girl to my house?... He's going to meetings and staying dry right now, but does not have a sponsor yet and has not started working the steps. I am still not feeling real secure about it all.. its my fear, my insecurity.. its the wall that I want to build around me to protect my heart from getting broken again. I've been having some wild dreams and thoughts lately and i know its my ego that's been bruised here trying to find a way to come up and one up my A instead of being in the one down position.
Now I've never had an affair or cheated on anyone in my life, but man I'm feeling like ya know would I feel better if I met some random guy and felt just a little desired by someone else? I know... I know... its silly. Oh lovely insecurity. I know myself pretty well enough to know I'd never act on anything, to me the dream is better than the reality, which would be guilt and shame for me, because I'm so hard on myself. I don't have the tough interior (my heart and conscious) but I try to be the tough hard B*#@!@.
I can't live my life in fear... it has kept me from doing the things I really want to do. So maybe I should walk through that fire of fear and have fun and get to the other side to see what's there? Its not easy quieting the thoughts in my head that create the feelings of anxiety with in me to enjoy myself. HP grant me the courage I need to change my thoughts, feelings, and attitude!!
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
The spa break might be nice for you - as for your A - remember the three C's - Didn't Cause, Can't cure, Can't Control it -
As for the affair, that is totally your choice, I would only ask that if you feel so much guilty about the things in your life, how do you think that would make you feel? Would the affair be for you? Or just to "get back" at your A because he hurt you? If so, who are you really hurting? And now, I don't know if you are anything like me or my fellow al-anons, but if I was to have an affair, I would probably pick another alcoholic/addict and I wouldn't get what I needed out of the affair anyway (HA!) Not to laugh at your problems, just trying to help you smile. From reading your post over the past few days, you have had a tough time lately and could use a break. I would only suggest that it be a truly healthy break that would help you with your problems, not add more to it.
Hugs & wishes for a brighter day,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I think you answered your own question on the guy with the white horse.... What do they say about expectations? Do you really expect some guy to be your knight in shining armor? As a member of that club, we don't fair too well in living up to that comercial. LOL You deserver better than a guy who is willing to have that special weekend with someone they don't know. (although who doesn't think about it, right...)
As far as getting away... I was just having the same thought. How nice it would be to spend this weekend at my Dad's place and just piddle around for the weekend. But I feel such guilt about "abandoning" my responsabilites that I never do it.
I don't have to wonder if my AW will drink, it is completely my own fault I never do it.
Some day I will have that strength.
I hope you have a great weekend regaurdless of what you do! You deserve it!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Dont feel guilty! Dont worry about your husband and his mistress! JUST GO!
Clear your head.
I am getting away from my kids, my family, my A, my town, my job ALL of this crap and visiting my best friend who lives in New Jersey (I am in Ohio) whom I met after she read a post I did through the PRO LIFE movement and whom I have NEVER met face to face....I am going to visit her and meet her for real for the first time in just a few weeks, and I feel ZERO guilt over it! I cannot wait.
