The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my ah just called. haven't spoken with him in a week. he has left messages but never called back. so he calls today. and i really let him have it. i didn't scream but i did tell him that he is a horrible person and i don't care if he has a disease or a mental illness. what he has done can never be undone. i told him that he is no one i would ever want to talk to. i don't want to know him. i told him not to contact me or the kids again. i said i thought they would be better off without him. he said he he loved me and wanted to be with me. he said he wanted to see the kids now. today. i lost it. my father's memeorial service is sunday, i have friends staying with me, i have the kids i am taking care of and trying to keep to a schedual. now he wants to see them?! oh but he is not using and getting a job and going to an outpatient rehab. as if that makes it all better.he said it was just a f*up a slip. i said no, 6 years ago was a f8up, a slip. this is just who he is. and i don not want any part of it and i do not want my kids to see it either. i can provide consistency. then he slammed my mother and how sick she is and how i ship them off to her every chance i get. i have to work, she is my only choice for child care. i wasn't even justifying this to him. then he started with the "you have time to sleep with other men" so i just said "do not contact me again" my father was dying you all know the story and what i've been doing. as if sex has even entered my mind in the past 3 months. what a joke. what a truely sick individual he is and i have so much anger that i guess i let off a little steam on him. right this minute i do not regret anything i said or the way i said it. the only regret i have is that i wasted my time on him. i have so much to get done. that and that by engaging in this pointless argument with him i might have given him the idea that i care. that there still might be a chance. it doesn't help that my lawyer is an idiot. i have stayed on his butt to get this done. i need clouser and my ah needs to understand that it is over, i am serious and he has no more attatchment to me. i know it is completly pointless to argue with an alcoholic. all my love has turned to hate and i don't want to feel this way. this too shall pass. just wanted to tell on myself. i lost my serenity and focus and the most important thing is to get it back. deep breath. thank you all for being here...
Concentrate on you & the kids......forget about him. You've got a lot going on. You are in my thoughts & prayers. And do not punish yourself for losing control....we are all human and can lose control sometimes.
hate to hear how overwhelmed your life is at this time, remember it will not always be like this, I'm sure you have a lot to do, don't stress over what is in the past (even five minutes ago is the past), take care of the here and now, try focusing on the Next Right Thing, whatever that may be for you and your children. . .
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts & prayers,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I'm glad you put all of this out here, serendipity. No matter what, your HP is with you. You are doing great, making great progress, setting boundaries. Keep taking care of yourself and your kids. I am sorry for the loss of your father. Prayers for you, mebjk
I say LET HIM HAVE IT if it makes YOU feel better.
I live in a fantasy world, always have, probably always will, so I sit and fantasize about the ONE more time I tt my A.
I want to tell him ( I am in my ANGRY phase now, passing heartache and full into anger ) off really bad, wont call him to do it, wont track him down, wont seek him out BUT God help him if he comes for me....
The Bible tells us this life is but a breath...our salvation is with God and He has prepared a place for us in His kingdom, where we will be shown and recieve our deepest desires, unending happiness and all consuming Love.
You and your family will be in my prayers tonight, please take care of you & your kids, then find a way to get a break and do something you will enjoy....
