The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Allright, so my AH cant contact me for awhile in Prison. Its been 2 days and I am already freaked. My fridge broke this morning, my printer is out of ink, Im afraid to get the mail because of bills, my registration is due and car insurance, I cant get approved to visit him til I pay off an old $500 traffic ticket, my landlord just asked for my roommates social and drivers liscence so Im afraid he is trying to put her on the lease or something, and then my rent would go up? The tax board wrote us a letter about something in 2004 I dont even understand, I filed an extension ths year but havent even started my taxes, I need to send in a form for my already late student loans (but my printer is out of ink) so I can defer and go back to Nursing school (so I dont EVER have to freak out about $$$ again because I am dependent on someone who is in prison). I have parking tickets, power company, phone bills, messy room, working 6 days a week, the dog is whining and pooped on the floor, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
Okay, so I am in fear about all that-if anyone has solutions to any of that stuff, feel free, especially the taxes and the landlord stuff. But its just hard because AH (in prison) is gone My Mom is gone(died) and I dont really know how to do all this alone. I never have before. Im 32 so maybe I should by now, but its REALLY scary.
I feel like a little kid sometimes about life. I know ACoAs are usually really responsible or really irresponsible. I feel like the irresponsibel kind and I am so SICK of the mess I create by not knowing how to deal. FEAR!!! I am scared to deposit my money in the bank because I am scared to see my balance!!! Does anyone relate? I want to hide from all of it. But I dont anymore., I just wish I could have someone hold my hand and help me. I guess God is there but some specific instruction would be nice too. I know we dont give advice but any ESH or suggestions would be so GREAT.
This is some advice I CAN offer and I am sure just about everyone here will agree w/me.
1st - take a deep breath
2nd - take the dog out for a walk so he can use the bathroom and you can take advantage of the fresh air.
3rd - come back to your apartment/home & CLEAN up the poop.
4th - clean up your messy room.
Doing these four things may give you some time to think about your money issues AND once the cleaning is done, you should feel less frustrated. I know when my house is a mess, I just want to scream & crawl in the bed to hide. So there is your start. Get to it girl!!!
As far as the notice from the government, I have a bit of experience w/thoughs b/c I have been known to mess them up in the past (I do monthly & quarterly tax stuff for work).....call the number they give you on the notice and talk to them about it. Get them to explain it to you and let them know when you don't understand what they are talking about. See if they have some sort of payment plan (if you owe them money).
As far as traffic tickets go....never had one before but I am wondering if it is your HP trying to tell you that you DON'T NEED TO VISIT YOUR AH IN PRISON RIGHT NOW!!!! Ever consider that? Just a thought and could be way out of line. I try to read the signs given to me from my HP....granted sometimes I don't like what they are saying to me (or how I am interpreting them) but just the same it gives me a different way to look at things.
I don't have a landlord and don't know how to handle that one. But I didn't think that you were charged by how many people stayed or didn't stay in your place as long as it didn't exceed the max limit. Say you are renting a 2 bedroom apartment for $950/month....just b/c you have someone move in w/you, the rent shouldn't go up. I do know that landlords do like to have a record of everyone who is living in their units, security reasons more likely....but they don't have to have their names on the lease per say. I could be wrong on that though so maybe you ought to talk to your landlord & find out why the info is needed and say that you are working on it but that y'all keep missing each other due to different schedules.
Bills - give the phone company & power company a call, see if they can work on the problem for you. Tell them your situation....maybe they have some sort of program for you.
This is all I can come up with at the moment. Good Luck and my prayers are with you.
My screename is babysteps for a reason. I have been in your shoes, to some degree I still am. What helps me is knowing everything doesn't have to be fixed this second, and nothing is going to get fixed without a little effort. I try to concentrate on one thing at a time. The world is not going to explode while I am confronting one problem while putting others on hold temporarily. Try to prioritize and recognize what you have control over and what you don't. Keep the lines of communication open with those you have financial issues with. You will be surprised how willing people are to help.
And you don't have to do all this alone. If you can, go to a local meeting. Share your feelings and experiences. You probably won't find anyone who can/will solve the problems you described, but you'd be amazed at how much you can end up doing once you see you are not alone and that we all care for you.
The WORST thing you can do is freak out AND hide from debt collection.
I have worked in mortgage and auto finance and collection.
The debt NEVER goes away, and adds up and gets worse.
Call ALL of your creditors, and be VERY honest with them. DONT let them talk you into a pmnt plan that is out of your reach...believe me as long as they are getting something they wont bitch....on the other hand, if you are dealing with late car pmnts, or loan pmnts - this could be more difficult, just depends onthe mood of the person on the other end of the line.
The trick is knowing WHO you are talking to. Keep in mind this person is making probably less than you and hates their job, because all they do is argue and get bitched at all day long. SSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO the key is give them your utmost respect and let them control the conversation...use words like "oh, I understand" and "I am so glad you are helping me, it means so much!"
-K
