The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lately I feel like everyone has permission to express thier feelings, to have excuses for their actions to have a free pass to do as they please whithout suffering the consequences, except ME. I feel like any time I express myself or just in general live my life, I can't turn around without getting hit. Without being told that I'm "selfish" "insensitive" and made to feel quilty about it. I realize that it's my choice to take that in or sluff it off, but I just wish I could wander through life without caring so damned much.
I think I know what you mean. Some days I believe that my A feels like he's justified in treating us the way he does. He tries to heap guilt and blame on me for things he's done wrong in his life. My father does the same thing. I've gotten much better at letting them know gently that I'm not accepting the guilt or the responsibility for this or that happening. I let them know that they can check stuff out with me first before assuming that I feel or believe this or that way. I have often wondered if the guilt they attempt to heap on me is not projection from the guilt that they feel. Like it makes them feel better if I feel like crap because then they have taken the focus off themselves and now put it on me. Such a cheap move but I believe its because they are unable to deal with their own guilt. That's a good topic.... Take care
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
so very true. i feel that way a lot, and not just from my A but my kids, my friends, my boss. and i wonder if its just a flaw in my personality, or that i dont have any right to feel anything.. but then i remember my situation and how long ive been doing this and walking on egg shells, and i know its because i am super sensitive due to my situation. and i don't think i could be so insensitive to peoples feeling anyway, but the idea of being so careless does have it draws, maybe i wouldnt get hurt so much or maybe i wouldnt be in this situation in the first place. but i'm just not one of those people. and really i dont want to be. i wouldnt want to not feel, because its who i am.
I live with two very genuine workaholics. And they justify any kind of moodiness or over sensitivity with "well I've been working 12 hour days so ..." fill in the blank: I need to do my laundry nect to your bedroom door at midnight, I need to watch tv while you are in bed, I need to be bitchy and rude, I need you to puat aside your feeling and emotions to pay attention to mine. My favorie little bit is that I should pay a lrger portion of our utility bills beucase I work less (only 40 hours a week) and am therefore home more to be using a clearly HUGER portion of the gas and electirc. And let's totally ignor the fact that the reason that there are napkins, olive oil, dish sopa, laundry soap, Comet, bathroom cleaner, toilet paper, toothpaste, floor cleaner, foil, etc. is becuase I PAY for it. Iv'e tired to do that not buying the toothpaste thing and wait until somebody else does it. They my roommate just goes into the otehr bathroom and steals my OTHER roomates toothpaste until IT is gone.
I love them dearly, but I'm over being walked on. And I'm really really ready to be assertive about my boundaries. And if they can't deal with it then that is thier problem.
How about now? How about whenever you want it to be? Does someone have to listen to you to validate your feelings? no, not really - when I have an over whelming amount of emotions going on (I have a few friends that will listen, but sometimes their schedules make them unavailable) - I journal. I either type or write down all my feelings, "the good, the bad and the ugly" Sometimes I email that to my sponsor, sometimes I delete it - more than anything, it helps me to get it out. If I stuff my feelings, they are coming out one way or the other - either in anger, resentment, etc. and usually toward people who don't deserve it.
My sponsor said only I can take care of me just the way I need to be taken care of, she is a very wise woman. No one knows exactly what I need but me. Also, try that HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) sometimes that can cause other emotions that really are real. If I am tired, then I tend to be a little weepy - ok ok a lot weepy and emotional - so I try to take a nap and if that isn't possible I just have to stay as much away from people as I can.
Just my E S & H,
Fake it, til ya make it,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I use to ask that question of myself alot. But then I realized it has to start with me. That's when it's my turn. Sure there are times when I don't want to be the responsible one, the adult, blah, blah, blah. Every once in a while I allow myself to briefly wallow in self pity. I think it can be actually healthy. But I don't let it go on for very long. That wouldn't be healthy. I have to push ahead. I have to take care of me. That's when I start to feel better about things. The bottom line is: it begins and end with me. Besides why let all those negative people win?
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
