The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a LONG TIME Since I've posted here!! I couldn't remember my pass word!! <LOL> I finally found it in the back of my "secret journal" I started months ago, but fell away from it. It's been hidden in the closet for a few months now. ( GRRRRRRRR )!!! But I was still able to read everyone's posts and be inspired by all of you in one way or another...so that part of it has been good for me. Well, here's my dilima now. I haven't told my "A" that I want a divorce. I sent away for the forms to file "without a lawyer" because it's so much cheaper!!! They are hidden in the closet also. I just don't know how I'm going to break the news to him, now that I have the papers to do it!!! These past three weeks he's done nothing but lay in bed!!! He still goes thru 60 cans of beer a week, but not continuously and getting drunk like he had been. He gets up, has a few, goes back to bed, gets up, has a few...etc..etc...You'll probably think I'm nuts for saying this...but now he's not arguing with me like he used to, and I was hoping that would help me have the courage to tell him it's over, in the middle of a "big one"!! I want to get out and get back home before August because I drive a school bus and I need to get in places to fill out applications!!! Today is my last day of work, and the longer I stay the $$$ I have in "my name" in my account will dwindle away, and I need that to start over again!! My family and friends are all wondering when I'm coming home, and I just can't tell them!! It's not that I'm afraid he'll hurt me...because he never was abusive when he was drinking. I just don't have the heart to tell him, because this is the second time we married. The first time was for 3 months. Now it's been 2 years, and I guess I'm afraid of what his family will say. But it's not his family that's had to live with him!!! I would love it if we could just both admit that this isn't working and be done with it!! I didn't really understand that he was a full blown "A" until we lived under the same roof, if that makes any sense. He's been asked to STOP drinking and driving...with or without me in the vehicle...he's been asked to go into rehab...after skidding off the road...and thankfully no one got hurt. ( I wasn't there ). I just don't have the patience to keep on living my life this way. You can't make someone change, if they don't want to...so why should I have to deal with it just because we're married? It's suppose to be a "two-way" street isn't it?? And on top of the alcohol...he's disabled and doesn't work...and of course there's the "prescription drugs that go down with the alcohol!!! I sure don't want someone taking care of me ( if something happened ) when they're all messed up on all that crap!! He just plain scares me...and I want out!!! He falls asleep all the time in bed with a cigarette, so he's really a dangerous person!! I've worked too hard for all my things to go up in flames!!! So...I'm needing some advice...or encouragement...or something until I can figure out how to do this without hurting him. NOT that he would care...I'm just not sure how he'll take it. Well thanks for letting me finally get to vent after all these months of having to hold it in!!! <LOL> Have a great and safe holiday weekend everyone!! Hugs, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
Glad to see your back. I completely relate to the feelings you are having. What will the family think? Then you said it, they are not living with him and probably have no desire to live with him. Its not easy making a decision to leave and then even harder to figure out how to tell the person. Telling him when he's drunk is probably not a good idea. Maybe think of a non-confrontational or less threatening approach. How he reacts is none of your business, he will react or respond however he needs to. The point is you need to do what you need to do for you. I wish you luck and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers for the courage and strength to find a way for yourself. Blessings
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I am not really in much a position to be giving advice....but I do know that I have learned that you have to do what you have to for yourself, your happiness, your sanity.
If divorce is what you think you need in order to be happy again, then go for it. You are half way there - you already have the papers. That is a big step in and of itself.
I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for you to gain the courage & strength you need to tell him what you want to do and be able to walk away & not look back.
