The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
help me to pray that God's will is the correct will. help me to let it go. she'd rather visit her friends in arizona, california, new york, whereever. i don't want to drinki over it, but i have to stop crying. i haven't done anything. any suggestions? i've joined a gym, to work out my frustrations, i go to meetings, i call my sponcer. how long before it stops hurting? jillilan
i hate to hear the pain in your typing, can tell you are feeling a lot of pain. Can't answer the question, when will the pain & the crying stop, all I can say is that there is help.
slow things down, continue your path of recovery, one day at a time, focus on the next right thing, whatever that maybe, wash the dishes, go to work, take a relaxing bubble bath, keep talking to that sponsor, journal your feelings, go to a meeting - even if you are crying to hard to share surround yourself with healthy people who love you, eat lunch . . .
And most of all know that you are loved & accepted here . .
Keep coming back,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Well, you are not alone. Don't give up. I cry all the time; last night included. My AH moved out a year ago. The crying I think is about the grieving for what is lost. What I read too is that your own emotions are bearable and if they are unbearable then you are carrying someone els's for them. I too went to a meeting on Tues, went for a long run this morning, and I am going to call my sponsor this week. I think that we have to trust the process and the Alanon slogans like fake it until you make it. We need to trust when those experienced Alanoners say that you will have your moment with your HP. I think that our HP's will let us know when we are ready to move on. Hang in there!
I did get drunk the other night, just needed to, felt very guilty afterwards too. I am using the same poison to kill my emotional state.
I hope you DO believe the next statement -
God will NEVER give you more than you can handle.
For the past month my A has been treating me VERY differently. We split a couple of weeks ago, back together, split, he said some pretty terrible things to me, gone again.
Detachment SUCKS....but it is healing time.
Let your A go, set yourself free, pray the serenity prayer, start working the program, get on with YOUR life and live it for YOU.
I can totally relate to the devastation and despair that you feel. There were days that I thought I just might not make it through. I cried nonstop and couldn't eat or sleep. I still cry everyday and it has been about 2 months since my AH suggested a divorce and the realization that he truly was an alcoholic.
God's will is always the correct will. The problem I have is figuring out what his will truly is for me and my life. I have been told that answers will come in time.
It sounds like you are doing many great things for yourself and eventually you and your HP will pull yourself out of the pain you are feeling.
No one can say how long the pain will last. Just a few weeks ago I asked that question to everyone I know. I asked people who had been through exactly what I was going through and others who had been through their own versions of difficult divorces. I got replies that things start to get better from anywhere around 4 months to 3 years. Everyone is different, but they all agree that time heals all wounds and that broken hearts do heal.
I found that I was starting to get concerned because I dropped so much weight. I went to the doctor and she was concerned too. She put me on an antidepressant and I have been getting some relief from that. Everyone's situation is different and each person must find their own answers. For me going on an antidepressant was a much better alternative than doing the one thing my A does to numb his pain -- drinking.
Don't let yourself slip back into your addiction. Don't anesethize yourself to get through your pain. Stay strong, keep working out, taking walks, whatever you have to do, you'll get through it.
I quit drinking AND smoking one the same day, it's only been three weeks, but every time my thoughts turn towards it, I remind myself it's a crutch, not a solution, it's a temp. fix, it actually makes me feel worse then before b/c the guilty feelings are added to the pain that's already there.
At least you can say you're proud of yourself to have kicked the monkey to the curb and feel good about that!
I don't want to be like my A. I would be no better off then him if I let myself backslide.......you tell yourself you've come THIS far, you can't turn back now.
I remember wanting to know that. Hon there is no given time, everyone is different.
For me, I think it was about a year. But it progressively got better as I learned more and more alanon truths and used the skills.
I chanted everything is ok a million times. I detached, When I gave it all, surrendered to hp my life changed for the better. so much better. I just do not worry anymore. Things ALWAYS work out. I have faith.
It may not be what you want or expect, but it is always ok. I mean it. I have never ran out of food or feed, have never not had my home since i surrendered.
I have stayed married to my A thru hell and back many, many times.
Surrendering, to me is the key. The letting go. Taking care of me. If he comes and shares the real him with me I am so grateful. If not, I am very ok and still happy.
hugs, so many hugs, I know that horrible pain you feel in your gut. ug. be careful what you eat, drink water, walk if the other is too much. Do you have a dog or cat? For me, raising a puppy is always therapy.
I am raising a darling Rotti/dobi/lab/ who knows mix. She looks like a red and butterscotch rottie.
Brownijoy. She helps my heart so much.
Anyway accepting love and hugs helps. much love,debilyn
You left chat suddenly, and I was concerned...(hi from floating_)
That pain is telling you that you are alive....and I know how hard it is to trust your HP that he can handle something so important to you. But hey..he put you on this planet..and he doesn't make mistakes. His will is what makes this world turn...and you will get to a point where you can release your path to him...he will give you some scenery that you would have never even noticed while in your fog...........you just have to trust...and that is a toughie for folks like us.
Keep posting...keep chatting...keep feeling...you are worth it...and we are here.
i can't answer that question, because i cry all the time too. but at least know when you are crying you are letting it go.i know that does'nt make it feel better, but you are releasing your pain. i want something instant and it just wont come, but i've found if i keep working it at least i feel better. i am not a fraction of what i want to be or who i am, but i am on the road to recovery, and finding me. so cry and there is no shame in that because no one here can say that they dont. so release and cry because it is your pain and it does hurt, and someday you'll wake up and not cry. but right now you grieve and we all do. so be proud in the fact that you still feel something.
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