The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wanted to take the opportunity to thank those or you who replied with the gentleness and kindness that I have come to so appreciate in Al-Anon. To those of you who took the time to PM me, I am grateful.
I do believe that I did receive the clarification that I needed in order to "take what I like and leave the rest".
I would like to make a suggestion based upon what occured in regards to replies to my post. A mix up seemed to occur when people replied to other replies rather than the original post. This was hurtful to me, although not intentional, as I did not realize that it was in response to another person's reply and not my original post. It was suggested that I not take things personally (QTIP), which is actually a slogan that I am currently working on. This was difficult for me because, as I stated, I assumed the replies were in response to my post. So...
Although the message board is not "bound" by Al-Anon principles, obviously the program works for a reason and the part that came to me as a possible solution to avoid others from feeling the way I did would be to avoid "crosstalk" on the message board. To reply only to the original post and if a person had a reason to need to address another reply he/she might do so by using the PM or starting a new topic regarding the issue.
I am extremely tired and feel quite unwell so hope I can express myself clearly and accurately. I haven't been online for a while and have just read your original post and then the follow-ups. When I began reading, the potential for misunderstanding immediately became apparent to me. In another post you shared how you felt hurt and this saddened me. I was unsure whether I should 'Mind My Own Business' but as a fellow member (with questions and opinions of my own forming-that's healthy, right?! ) and relating to how upset you were I was going to start a new thread. Just before I posted you had already written this. I saw the hand of my HP in that as I was a little worried about creating further confusion.
I too was wondering whether it is prudent to post replies to replies as I could see how someone could 'get caught in the crossfire'. I use this phrase NOT to cast aspersions or innuendo at anyone in the fellowship but because it reflects how I used to feel when tensions arose in the alcoholic family situation. Interestingly, I hadn't thought of replying to replies as 'crosstalk' but it just didn't 'feel right' to me. I also thought that maybe it would be more appropriate to respond either in PM or as a new thread.
Not having been online long I really don't know if there is 'computer-etiquette' or 'site-etiquette' so am working out what 'seems' appropriate as I go. I think a certain amount of commonsense and common courtesy applies but I am learning from others, therefore if established or generally understood parameters are transgressed I will not know that this is not 'proper form'. This is a concern to me as I would hate to inadvertently upset anyone or unknowingly cause controversy. If anyone has and is willing to share information regarding some form of site guidelines other than the Posting How To/Posting Guidelines or the established meeting format, please PM me.
I am so grateful that you raised these points as they coincided with my own opinions and am glad you have been able to process your experience and gain some clarity. Thanks for sharing your recovery.
) and relating to how upset you were I was going to start a new thread. Just before I posted you had already written this. I saw the hand of my HP in that as I was a little worried about creating further confusion.