How was your day? - Al-Anon Family Group

tea2 · ~*Service Worker*~

How was your day?

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

T

Thanks for that thought!

When I take the time time to surrender myself and my A over to HP...I seem to have a good day.

I had time this morning

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

(((tea)))

Funny you mentioned th Abe Lincoln quote. I said it this morning to my whining daughter.
My girls (both in their 30's) are used to pulling me in to their drama and also used to me jumping in with both feet to fix it all. The ever present pillar of the family (yeah right!).
I used to think it was my motherly duty..lol

What I have come to discover through Alanon is that:
(#1) If I allow myself to be pulled in it creates even more drama (I'm expected to take sides).
(#2) I get upset and the involvement steals my serenity.
(#3) I stew on it for days and it's not even my stuff!!
(#4) someone gets pissed off and refuses to talk to me..lol

What I have done today is say no, no and another no.

No, I will not take the baby all day because you want to punish your husband.
No, I will not keep 2 large Labs all day because you are afraid husband will let them lose for spite (he wouldn't).
No, I will not get sucked in to any of this.
No, I will not comment, only listen.

Am I afraid my daughter will be mad at me? Nope, I'm confident in my decision.
She has to learn to deal with her own life.

Would I have been nuts chasing a 2 yr. old around in a non baby proofed house all day with an open hardwood stairway and a stone tile landing? OMG! I can't even imagine, Sometimes an hour is exhausting.

Am I calm in that I have let go, handed the situation over and held strong to my boundary?
You betchya :)
Not an ounce of regret. In fact the way I handled it made me feel really good.

Today, I have to be grateful for this type of serenity.

Christy

kent_s · Veteran Member

Today I accidentally stumbled on to this terrific and warm story. Sometimes, even though you mistype, Google knows what you really are looking for!

I'd like to share it with you all...

Thank You Barbara For Being My Teacher!

Just for today I'm so pleased to find Mothering Magazine, despite being a dad!

-K

(P.S., I am sure the Buddhist nun she is referring to is Pema Chodron.)

kismetstrand · ~*Service Worker*~

I love this post and I love that Abe Lincoln quote...good one! Yes, thru Alanon I have learned that if I wake up in a grumpy mood I have the CHOICE to either keep that mood or change it. Its all in our attitude and thinking. And I am one that usually you don't want to talk to before I've had my coffee...heehee...but ya know, I am aware now that I can't use that excuse ("I haven't had my coffee yet") to justify being a grumpy witch to others. They don't deserve it and really neither do I.

Another thing I've learned....yesterday was trash day. There is this big cardboard box thats been sitting outside with "stuff" in it from the kids. For the past month I've been asking that it be put out with the other garbage. No one has wanted to do it because of course the box was all wet and falling apart from the weather. Well, hubby and I went out yesterday and started putting that box of stuff in the trash can before the garbage truck came. In the process what do I find? This fold-up baby pad which you'd use when you are out with your baby and need to change then but don't want to just lay them on the ground. I had bought it for stepdaughter, asking her would she use it, would she want it. "Oh yes!" she had said. It had NEVER been used and there it was in that box. (I pulled it out to clean it...will keep it for if we babysit the new baby due in July.) Anyway, the point of this whole story is this: before Alanon I would make a big deal out of having spent good money for this only for it to be tossed out unused. So what have I learned? Yesterday I saw in a store a used baby swing, really neat, rocks forward and back and side to side. Only $26. Did I buy it for them? NO. I called and told her about it, will let her buy it herself if she wants it. This prevents me from getting upset if I buy something and it goes unused. Right now we simply don't have the $ to waste on things that won't be used/appreciated. I will buy things I know they really need, but unless I am in the mindframe of "I don't care if they'll use it or not" then I simply won't buy it.

I know some of this comes from my past experiences with my sister. She is one to remember every birthday, holiday, special occasion and will send cards and gifts. Heaven forbid you should not call or write to say Thank You appropriately!!! Anytime she sends a gift, regardless of whether it is special occasion or not... she EXPECTS something in return. Now in my mind I have two thoughts on that. Yes, it is common courtesy to say thank you. On the other hand, did I ask you to buy me something? I guess this really bugs me because most of the time all I could afford was to say "thank you", yet that was never enough for her. And then she'd go and tell everyone how I am never appreciative, never say thank you. Grrr. Well, I've learned to deal with it. I say "thank you" and how she may react after that is her business, not mine. I do my part with common courtesy. I buy her things when I can because I WANT to and it doesn't matter to me if I get something in return or not. That's not why I bought it after all. If I give someone a gift, its simply a gift...not an obligation to do something in kind back to me.

In thinking about the previous two paragraphs I see I do have some expectations still. If I am helping someone get "necessities" when I'm having to watch how much $ I spend, then I expect that they will only ask for what they will definitely use. That was the situation with the baby changing pad, yet honestly that pad was more a frill than a necessity. I CHOSE to buy it for her, so yup, I better shut up about it. haha If I want to avoid the same thing happening in future, then I better really look at what is "necessary" and what is "frill". It is NOT fair of me to be angry at her over that pad. Not fair at all. I wouldn't have "seen" that before Alanon.

Being able to "see" these type of things, being able to change my attitude and thinking when needed... this helps me make it a good day. Own my part in things, keep my side of the street clean, treat others as I'd want to be treated (the Golden Rule) and ya know, in doing so I can maintain serenity, I can find enjoyment in the day. I could sit here and moan and groan about all the things everyone else in this house isn't doing and really work myself up into a funk.... OR I could simply look at what I am able to do for the day and just get it done. Now the first option would have me feeling miserable and making others miserable. Second option I'd be accomplishing things (which always makes me feel good), plus I wouldn't be making anyone else miserable by nagging or being a grumpy witch. Gee, which sounds better to you? heehee

Now I think I'm gonna put on my jeans and go outside to transplant those pretty flowers into the pots I just bought!! Its a gorgeous sunny day... I'm gonna enjoy it!!!

Luv, Kis

Juster · Veteran Member

Thank you for the post. Yesterday after work my AW had only 1 beer and was sober all night. We had a pleasant evening together and enjoyed each other's company, so it was a good day!

Thank you,

Juster

megan · ~*Service Worker*~

Great post Tea and I love the Abe Lincoln quote.

Today for myself I went for a run.

I also bought myself a new outfit.

Last Sunday I ran a 5 mile race. I have not run 5 miles in 25 years since high school.

I did the run with my brothers, they beat me by alot but I finished and not last and my time was good. I am having different experiences than I used to and am enjoying every minute

Megan

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi tea. I LOVE that Lincoln quote, and use it often. He was so right. We bring on our own happiness or our own unhappiness. It's our choice to make.

I choose to be happy and surround myself with a positive aura. I get such pleasure from my children (grown men both of them, but they are still my children), my home, my partner (who used to be my husband...), my dogs, the birds, the flowers, a game of Mah Jongg, taking a ride on my bike, having a long swim in the pool. I could go on and on. I have a happy life, and I truly believe happiness and contentment are there for all of us. We may have to make certain adjustments to attain an idylic life, or we may not. Depends on our circumstances. But staying mired in the negative is a waste of precious time.

So, how's my day? Great thank you. And I hope your is too.

If any of you are thinking, Who is she trying to kid?" I can only say, "Try it yourself!"

Thanks, dear friend, for this post, Diva

sandie123 · Senior Member

(((Tea)))

Thanks for the reminder. I always need a reninder to look at the god whem I am feeling the bad or sad.

One good that I can always come back to is the people who are around and willing to help me if I open up and ask for help. There have been people who have saved my life pulling me out of dispare and I am grateful for them. There are many things in my life to be grateful for and I have a list that I can go to in case my head is in such a bad place it cannot find any good.

Thanks for the reminder and the post.

Luv
Linda

leo · ~*Service Worker*~

My joy today was going to work and seeing the pure delight on the faces of the 5 year old kids I work with. They had a huge playground full of equipment to utilise and chose to sit and watch the grader operator clear the creek next to us instead. Sometimes we adults need to remember the simple pleasures of life. Luv Leo xx

babysteps · Senior Member

I read Just for Today every morning in between my daily "Language of Letting Go," and visiting this site. This routing puts me in a positive mindset each morning.

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((((Tea))))))))))))),

What a great post. Despite me being emotionally drained, and phsyically feeling lousy

, there are good parts of the day. I miss hubby, but I don't miss the chaos. Pipers Kitty has been extra snuggly, and not brought me any frogs. My sweet friend Megan here sent me a care package.

When I get down, I count my blessings for your friendship and the others here.

My Mom use to tell me that as a baby I always woke with a smile on my face and went to bed with a smile on my face. I am the eternal optimist even in the darkest moments. I have to be, it's the way I survive. You know the old saying "When God closes a window he opens a door?" or something like that? I believe that. There is always hope and good even in the worst of situations. We just have to be open to it. It can be the smallest of things. Like watching a kitty at play, noticing a new patch of flowers. Anything.

Just look for the rainbow even when it's storming. The sun will come out.

Live strong,
Karilynn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.