The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my dad died today.it has been long comming. the cancer was everywhere. he was so good about the entire process. he rolled with it all. i felt he was gone on thursday and that it would only be 2 more days. it was.we had a different relationship. but whenever i needed him or his help he was there which always suprised me. my mother told me all my life that he didn't love me or care. so it was shocking when i found out that he did love me. and was proud of me. he actually apologized to me a few years ago because he felt alot of what i was going thru with my a husband was because of my screwed up childhood. that was the most shocking moment of my entire life. made me love him more than i ever even knew i could. he was my dad. just mine no one elses.i am his only child. now he gone at peace.i need to grieve but i'm not sure how to do it. i have so much to grieve for. my father,myhusband who's been gone for 3 months, lossing the house we all loved, losing the family we had so despretly wanted.thats alotof grieving.i'mscared to begin idontknow how
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I lost my dad a year ago as well following a long illness, and sounds like our situations are very similar....Just allow yourself to feel your feelings...let them out....lean on friends and those of us here who care for you and your well being. Nothing will take away that pain, and sometimes the pain of all of your loss piles up and becomes one...but know you are loved, and that there are people out there that understand and are praying for you.
I feel your pain my Dad died of cancer when I was 21 and he was just 47 years old. Once you lose them you think IF ONLY .... I will be honest and say each day you will get a little stronger but I truly believe that you never get over the loss of your parents. You have a lot to deal with emotionally at the moment the grief may not hit you straight away. Try and look after yourself and do go to the Dr's if the load is too much. You have a lot to bear at present. Thinking of you. Luv Leo xxx
The day he died was teh worse day of my entire life, the pain was so bad I did not know what to do with myself.
I finally decided that I had to move, do something. I went on a search for some CD's of music that he liked. Old fashioned music like big band stuff. I went from store to store, it was something to keep me busy.
I finally found something, about four hours later. I got home and put a blanket he had givem me on the floor and played that CD over and over and over and over again, until I fell asleep out of exhaustion.
I played that CD all of the next day and for days, constantly, and slept on the floor right next to it. I don't know why, but this made me feel better.
My daughter and I talked a lot about my Dad, she was very comforting. She reminded me about good memories I had told her about, she even bought me his favorite candy and cooked his favorite foods for me for dinner.
You feel like you will never be happy again, but you will. Each day your pain will be lessened a tiny bit...
For years I felt like crying every time I thought about him, but soon I started to feel happy everytime I thought about him.
He was a wonderful man, and very much beloved, and people I meet who knew him still tell me how wonderful he was and how much they miss him. I always thank them...and agree with them.
Do whatever you have to do. If you want to cry, cry, don't hold it back. If talking about him makes you feel better, talk about him. If you dont' want to talk about him for a while, don't. Everyone is different and grieves differently. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself grieve in the way you need to. Don't let anyone rush you in your grief process.
I am truly sorry that your mother painted one picture to you when there was another. I have been dealing a lot lately with people who are passive aggressive and how I feel thwarted around them.
My frustrations used to boil over. I am glad that you had a few moments of intimacy with your father before he died and could be real.
I did not have that with my own father or mother. They remained tremendously dysfunctional to the day they died. My two sisters remain tremendously dysfunctional and i have had to deal with the only way they can be is to sabatage, undermine and distort. I do not need to go back one more time to receive passive aggression.
