The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This reading says that detachment is often easier with casual friends, than with people we are emotionally involved with. It can be difficult not to take on the negative frame of mind of family and loved ones. It is suggested we have a choice not to take on other people's moods and attitudes. Detachment means paying attention to ourselves before we slide into other people's negativity or anger. It means letting everyone, including ourselves, feel whatever we want or need to, without interference.
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It really took me quite a while to be able to detach from my A, and especially detaching with love. I practiced for several years before I accomplished this some of the time. It seemed there was some magical trick I hadn't learned yet, and at times I knew I should be detached, but couldn't do it. And I guess I see boundaries thrown in alongside detachment. I am a separate individual and do not want to become enmeshed with others. I think awareness and acceptance are part of this process as well. And I always have to remind myself, progress not perfection.
I especially like the reminder of progress, not perfection.
When I started to practice detachment, I started by detaching with anger, then detaching with sorrow, then detaching with indifference. Learning how to detach with love came MUCH later. Now, I'm learning a new way to detach - detachment with love for myself. This has been a real struggle for me. I have been able to detach with love for my A, but detachment looks differently when I include detachment with love for myself. I'll have to keep you posted on this new kind of detachment I'm working toward. It looks and feels a lot different than detaching with love for the A.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks so much lyne for the reading and to you and skorpi for your shares. I think the tool of detachment is one of the best that we have in the Al-anon program. It can also be one of the most difficult to work with love at times. Time and experience in program has given me the awareness to ask myself whether any good will come from engaging. Am I trying to force a solution? Am I enmeshing myself in something that is none of my business? What would be best for my serenity? I've always liked this quote - "Detachment is not detaching from the person whom I care about but from the agony of involvement."
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
