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Hi, I haven't been on here for a while, but my AH has been working out of town A LOT of long hours so I really don't see him during the week. I usually talk to him during the week, but he has no time to get good and drunk. He comes home on the weekends and things have been okay for the most part. I am noticing that he is usually really drunk on the weekends I have my son. My son is very active and can be stressful so I'm sure that's why my AH thinks he needs to get drunk. Anyway, last weekend was fine, but the weekend before when I had my son, had me a little on guard. Now I'm starting to worry again...of course. Anyway, here's what happened the last time I had my son on the weekend. I think Sat. was okay, but on Sunday, he started drinking around 9am! Who does that??? I know the answer. Anyway, by the afternoon he was good and drunk and on his way to being mean. He was making the snide little comments and I think I did a pretty good job of sidestepping the whole thing. After I dropped my son off at his dad's Sunday evening, I got a call about a half hour later that my son left something at my house. I told AH that I would ride my bike over to his dad's and drop it off. (It takes me five minutes to go there and come back). AH had this huge fit. The rest of the evening he was ranting about my ex-husband and this and that. I asked him if he was drunk. Of course the answer was "no". The evening ended with tension and it completely wore me down. It took me most of that week to "recover". This is so tiring. I'm gearing up for this weekend. Any suggestions?
My A is out of my life, apparently for good, and now I am living with detachment.
I always say I am going to do better when my day starts and some days I do, but actually the detachment IS alot like coming off of an addiction.
Yes, I have seen the booze at 9 am, and I have seen him get blacked out on Rum. I have seen him look and smell and act disgusting - where I have said to myself "What the Hell am I doing with him?" I have been ashamed to be at his side and in love with him, I have been foolish enough to hold on to just the smallest morsel of affection and attention he offered me to keep me hanging on when he was being beligerant, ignoring my calls, standing me up and choosing the booze and the total loser friends over me again and again and again. I have prayed endlessly and "Let go and let God" over and over and over. I have told him and shown him that I love him and accept him, the drunk and the man he is sober, with open eyes and a heart full of love and devotion....IT DOES NOT MATTER.
The booze wins.
I have changed into a raging lunatic... I am not the happy positive person I was just a few months ago when I found out my husband (not my A though he is a pain in my A) had been having affairs for 61/2 years and had a baby with one of them. Yes I was happier then.
YES the f'ing booze is so evil that it can even defeat LOVE - it cannot defeat God.
I hope you and your A find your way and that the kids are coping well w/ Dad's problem that will most likely destroy his family.
Lindy I agree with megan, keep other backup plans in place. If he is going to do what most A's do,,,,"drink" , then you can do what you want to do. I used to sit and and wait for my A to get home, passing up invitations to go and "live". While I waited and worried when he would come home, if he would make it home, I wasted so many years of MY LIFE worrying about another. The only person we can change is ourselves, and I chose to "live", and get busy , whether the A was home , or if he was drinking or not. And you know what...... I became a better person. I became alive again, and happier and even able to laugh with friends and family again. I would rather be in this frame of mind than the latter, and I hope I never go back to that sad place again. Keep coming back it works if you work it and you are worth it!
