The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I dated an alcoholic on and off for three years. Three months in he told me he was an alcoholic, I went into denial. My father was an alcoholic, I had aca recovery yet still I struggled to break free.
He broke up with me suddenly, I was confused , a week later he wanted to try again. So we did. And so the dance began.
He broke up with me frequently after that. I thought he was hurt from his breakup with a long term ex. In reality he was dating other people he found more interesting.
I stopped telling anyone about him, that he even existed anymore, it became embarrassing that I kept going back. Each time we had a fight he dated other people. I didnt realise this at first . He admitted cheating. So After a year and one almighty row we broke up for several months.
Then every three months , like clockwork really, when whatever relationship he had been in broke down , he would get back in touch. We would be friendly for a few weeks, I was wonderful and amazing, he loved me and wanted a family with me , then I would cave and date him again then he would break up with me again. He would start to get critical, I didnt smile enough , I didnt have enough friends, I wasnt sociable enough, he would humiliate me in front of people and bad mouth behind my back to his family and friends. Each time I reappeared in his life the reception was colder. I was toxic apparently. His drinking and cheating and criticism was all my fault. I lost all self esteem and sense of self really.
All the while he drank daily, starting the day with a drink. The only boundary I had left in place by the end was that I wouldnt live with him. I wanted to but I knew I couldnt live with an alcoholic. He tried counselling and talked about rehab .but never really followed through.He called his councillor in front of me once , to book a course of treatments but he didnt follow through.
We haven,t dated in over a year , we have seen each briefly in the last 12 months. The final time we broke up my body started to have physical reactions to the emotional abuse.
I guess that is my story that I have been too ashamed to share before, I should have known better , I did know better, but I guess I hoped.
Hello to you. I also was embarrassed about my life with my alcoholic and pulled away from almost all family and friends. There are many " I should have's" in my story too, but all that does not help at all. Being in love with my spouse, my qualifier, did a great deal of damage to me. It's only alanon that has given me my life back, and honestly, I'm healthier and happier now, and still with my spouse. My spouse recently began AA. Not sure what the future holds but I'm going to be OK.
We think due to lack of funding this message board may disappear after today. It's very sad to me since it's been a part of my life for 12 years. I will check tomorrow though. I hope you will consider getting involved with alanon in anyway that fits your schedule. Help and recovery is available. :)
