The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha Peewee...Keep coming back often and you'll hear what you are mean't to hear. The Al-Anon Family Groups is where I learned about my greatest emotional character defect; FEAR. I gave in to all kinds of negative situations even when I knew I shoult not because I was soooo fearful of judgement, another persons possible anger, poor self esteem you name it I used it as a justification not to negotiate more acceptable outcomes. In Al-Anon I learned that the opposite of FEAR is FAITH and I began to make other positive choices and turn the outcomes of these choices over to my Higher Power. I stopped running and hiding and found a quiet courage in being responsible for making changes for me. When that happened things began to change; not in coming out MY WAY always but in different ways that were more acceptable than saying yes when I mean't no or okay when I mean't I didn't want to participate in unacceptable choices. Today I can and do participate in my life with the program and feel a freedom from fear that I never thought was possible. Like soooo many other couples my spouse and I have at times very opposite view, likes and opinions however I am fully a part of the relationship and I know I don't have to be different than who I really am so that she feels happy here. I love her as I love myself....unconditionally.
(((((((hugs))))))) ...and thanks for the great post.
Ahh yes, how times have changed. This is what went thru my mind as I read your post. In the last 2 decades so much has changed. I think, yep, old tools vs new tools. The ways from back when I grew up and on to raising mine seem sometimes to be ancient and forgotten. I miss them sometimes and think how some of the older ways, if here today, might make the world a better place. But then again for some things not, i think to myself. There was a book I read back in the 80's entitled "Adjust or self-destruct" by a Methodist minister that had to do with the changing times. Sometimes its hard to change the ways we were taught to live life by. It certainly sometimes use to feel more safe and secure, yet it felt, at times a trap. I feel so distant at times from the younger generation and certainly makes for so many misunderstandings. At times, to think about the changes of the times helps to deal with some of those things that have changed and guilt and other feelings that may have been there without trying to understand there are new tools, knowledge, and progression of the times. It sure can be confusing to be caught in the change overs of society across the years. Its not in my control to change how the natural flow of human history changes from what I've heard about every 10 yrs.
I try to keep the Serenity prayer close for alot of this.
Peace, Courage, and Strength
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 03:46, 2006-05-15
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
You've always been a source of inspiration to me. Your strength shows through every time I talk to you. You've recognzied your mistakes, and now you're moving on. You're a good woman and a wonderful friend. Hang in there, things will get better.
Love and blessings to you my friend.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My AH and I raised 3 sons together. If we had raised them like he was raised it would have been beating them with the belt. I trusted my instincts and would tell my AH what I thought was best. He generally went along with it. Growing up both his parents worked so the kids were unsupervised - staying out all night, getting into trouble. The balance of our personalities seemed to help. For this I am thankful.
Parenting is a huge (but rewarding) challenge, even without the addition of addictions and all the bad stuff that comes with that.... In my situation, I allowed my A wife to dominate the decision making many times, and I think that actually helped me (finally) come to grips with how sick her alcoholism had made ME. I lost a lot of my self confidence, and was willing to let an obviously sick, obviously drunk person make the key parenting decisions, in an effort to "keep the peace"!!??
Yikes, as I reflect back on this today, I am soooo thankful for Al-Anon, and all the other support I received in my recovery. Today, I feel like I am "90% there" in being back to the me that I once knew. In addition, I think that the whole process, although I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, has made me a better person overall, as it made me much more accountable and aware of my own behaviors, in every situation.
Thanks for the post - very thought provoking
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Peace, Courage, and Strength