The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How do you grow up with an A, then marry one and expect to live thru it. When my A pushes my buttons, like showing up 3 hours late, cause he's been with his drinking buddies, my buttons get pushed. I watched my Mom do the same things for so many years; now it's like it's happening all over again. I am so sensetive to this that I have a major meltdown when it happens to me. I can't control my emotions. I try to talk stay calm, and work thru it, but I can not do it. Does anyone understand have this happen to them???
One of the big things I learned in Al-anon is to have a back up plan. When my a h would be late getting home or show up drunk I would not wait around for him. I went ahead in did things on my own with our son. We attended so many family functions without the a that it became the norm. And we had fun and took my son away from the sight of his Dad drunk. I would also wait for him to be sober before I said much of anything to him. Granted sometimes that was days but it saved us all the ugly scene. Everyone has their own way to cope and you will find yours. MIP and ftf meetings are a must.
I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home but spent 22 years married to one. I slowly lost myself trying to make the perfect home and keep the conflict at a minimal. I did such a good job that our son didn't know his dad drank too much until he was about 15. I actually had to confince him that his Dad's behavior wasn't the norm. The a would come home well on his way to drunk, drink a few more, eat dinner & go to bed by 7:00. Rarely did he go to school events, sports etc. I did it all. I was super woman. I did the yard, the bills, the shopping the cooking, hosekeeping, put on family dinners, kept the peace and worked. I must have totally exhausted myself because I can hardly type that without being tired!
Now I know that it's very important to take care of myself. It's simple to treat yourself to a walk, an ice cream cone, a candle, a new book, whatever! Please don't let him get the best of you, literally.
I grew up in a alcoholic family and married an A. He has since quit but is a dry drunk. My mother adjusted to my dad's drinking and never said a word until the very end. So for us we know about Alanon and go to meetings and read the books. In other words we can work the program. I kick myself for sayings things to my A that do no good. I don't always stay calm and regret it but now I know that I am imperfect. We don't have to suffer like our moms. We gain new skills and tools through the Alanon program. We will make mistakes but we will get better.
when it happens to me. I can't control my emotions. I try to talk stay calm, and work thru it, but I can not do it. Does anyone understand have this happen to them???