The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As most of you know hub and I are seperated. Does the day ever come when the addict sees...gee I lost my family....I am not living there anymore. I am alone......
Wednesday took hub to Pittsburge to get leg checked. Dr gave him 50 darvacet, this morning he had 7 left....wow.....It is only Friday mornind @7:00am.
Took him to the dentist this morning to have some work done on his teeth, i know he needed this done but I honestly feel he did it now to get more vicodan.
Sometimes the insanity of this disease blows my mind to the total point of: this can't be happening it is too far out there. Truth of the matter is it is happening, what lengths to the alcoholics/addicts go to to get there fix......
I often wonder how does a mind work that way,I know that our minds just float right along with the addict at times. It's just the overpowering affect this disease has on a person.
I am learning to cope with life a little better each day.......Some days better than others. Sometimes one minute at a time. The thing is though, I am being able to relax a litt.e more each day.
It is just the insanity of it all that is hard to handle sometimes. The asking why???
Not only do I ask why for the A but why do I do the things that I do. They have to hit their bottom to realize that they ahve lost their family. And I guess we have to hit our bottom to. Hang in there. One minute and one day at a time of sanity is ok.
(((((Andrea)))))).. you wrote;......... I often wonder how does a mind work that way, I know that our mind just float right along with the addict at times.....
I see myself stopping and reaching for a better thought *each day. I still fall(float) But I am better at catching myself (*more quickly) as I start to feel the down. The bad train of thought coming on. At this - ABadMOMENT Thought- is when I SAY"HALT!" I know. I know I'm in an area/ a thought that is Not my place Not my business Not mine to wander of.
HALT - plus, I ask myself....* AM I... hungry alone lonely or tired.....? *
Unhealthy train of thought leads only to frustration and confusion. Depression. When its sooooo much BETTER to be reaching for HOPE and PEACE. I want to stand my ground. I'm going to stand my ground. And I know I have to take care of me to not get to overworked with something that is out of my control. Not about Me. ITs that second, the second.. I STOP and ask myself "What are you doing?" Do I need a power nap? I do know I need to stop and fill my (train of thought) thought with something g o o d. Like a funtime at a baseball game (heeeheee) a favorite song....lalalala. I say "STOP." and let myself hhhmmmm....OH! I do *my very own..."pat on the back " ...for the little (or big) things that are right in my life. The children. My Home. That Big ol' black bear of a dog layin over by the door looking to the birds that are singing outside the window., I STOP and rest for few minutes (a bit) slow it down and let that "bad thought" go (lol like the bath commerc., saying calgon., "HP take it ( fill me with good thoughts) awayyy..." lol.)
Doing this., one day at a time(ODAT) ....it. AND with the help of alanon my HP my sponsor and the truly truly wonderful people here that love and care about me... Like I love and care about You!
Keep Looking uP Keep Looking Forward Take care of You
(((BiGHUG)))*******Keep Looking uP******
This too shall pass.
ohhhhh i forgot to mention that it could be just because my sugar level needed a boost * just a smallpiece from * that chocolate bar in the freezer...LOL!! justsoyouknow~~i have lots and lots of hugshugshugshugs 4 YOU!
I am so very sorry, my dear ((((Andrea))), that you are having to continue to wonder why your hubby is using. Just remember it is HIM and HIS problem. He may not be getting well, or trying to recover, but YOU are and you are doing a great job of it, too. Just please continue to look to HP for guidance and He won't let you down. I am so proud of you for allowing yourself to feel some peace come into your life. You so deserve it. Keep working on you and enjoy your walk down the road of recovery. You and your beautiful family will continue to be in my prayers.
.? *
ITs that second, the second.. I STOP and ask myself "What are you doing?" Do I need a power nap? I do know I need to stop and fill my (train of thought) thought with something g o o d. 
Like a funtime at a baseball game (heeeheee) a favorite song....lalalala. I say "STOP." and let myself hhhmmmm....OH! I do *my very own..."pat on the back " ...for the little (or big) things that are right in my life. The children. My Home. That Big ol' black bear of a dog layin over by the door looking to the birds that are singing outside the window., I STOP and rest for few minutes (a bit) 
slow it down and let that "bad thought" go (lol like the bath commerc., saying calgon., "HP take it ( fill me with good thoughts) awayyy..." lol.) 
Take care of You
This too shall pass. 