The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My recovering A of 1 year called to see if he should file the papers since he was in the area of the courthouse. I told him he needs to do what he feels he needs or should do. I'm tired of having to make all the decsions for him so that he doesn't have to accept accountability. So we went back and forth yelling etc. I finally said "You told me you loved me and that I am a good person so why are you bent on a vindictive agenda if I don't accept your terms of the divorce? Since you have become sober suddenly I am what is all wrong in the marriage(according to him). With sobriety comes positive changed behavior and you have not shown that. You have done nothing but lie to me, deceive me, stash money, open new account and leave me with nothing when I kicked you out because I'm tired of your emotional/verbal abuse. So if thats the love you have for me...go file."
I used to always think if only my A husband got sober, all our troubles would disappear. I blamed the alcohol for all the problems in our marriage. But, the more I read, that is not always the case. For today, we are still together, but have been separated several times over the past year. I know this must be hard for you.
Keep coming back. You will find lots of help and friends to help you thru.
It is for sure that just because they get sober and get into recovery doesnt mean things are going to change for the better in a relationship. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.
In my case the change was for the better, in that I was fortunate enough to have my program and so did my ex wife have hers. We got through our divorce with very little conflict what-so-ever. For that I am eternally grateful.
Keep focusing on what you can do to make things a little more peaceful for yourself and keep coming and sharing. This too shall pass.
