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I posted another thread about being afraid to let go of my anger. But I think I am also afraid to leave my pity party. I have for a long time felt sorry for myself. When I was a child, this was a way that I comforted myself. I think I still do that. But I wonder how I can break that cycle. How do I stop feeling sorry for myself? How do I stand up for my own feelings without feeling sorry for myself or angry? How do I be humble and have humility while still taking care of my own needs? It's so confusing. Any experience you have and can share would be appreciated.
I just responded to the anger post as well, and really for me it boiled down to the same thing - working the steps. As long as I stayed in my anger and on the pity pot, I had excuses for my own bad behavior, I didn't have to take the same responsibility for my actions, I didn't have that "safety net" that I thought was my friend, but turned out to be my enemy.
Aloha Tipper....Try practiciing Gratitude. Can't practice Self Pity and Gratitude at the same time. They are opposites with opposite consequences. There use to be a time when people worshiped martyrs but I think I helped turn that around. People in program did get sick of my "Woe is me" attitude sooooooo I stopped and practiced Gratitude. Worked for me.
For me letting go of anger was very difficult. I couldn't get past the attitude that if A didn't do something why should i. Like he gets angry so I'm going to get angry. I was controlled by his emotions. When he's down I'd be down, etc. I started recognizing my part that I played in my life and my relationships. The choices I made caused a reaction in others as well. The choices I make cause a chain reaction of events to occur. Those events will either be positive or negative, I don't always have control over how things will turn out. When I realized how powerless I was over others, ther reactions, their choices I began to let go of anger. When I began to realize that my choices are my own and I have no one to be angry with or blame, I let go a little more. I still get angry sometimes for good reason, and sometimes because its what I'm used to. I'm learning to identify my real feelings and trying not to be so sensitive to the A's and others reactions. I don't know if this helped at all, just a thought. Take care
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
