The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I struggle with anger all the time. In some ways, I am addicted to anger. It has been a survival emotion for me, because if I didn't have anger I would have cried and felt completely defenseless and hopeless. I am working so hard on me right now and getting out of my depression and trying to let go of my anger. It's so hard. I have to for the sake of myself and for the sake of my daughter. I want her to be happy, joyous, and free so I have to be that way to teach her. It's so hard. I feel like a child myself. How do you let go of the anger without feeling vulnerable?
For me, letting go of the anger has come in increments. But really, it was through working the steps of this program that really let me see my part in things and also let me start letting go of the anger. It taught me that I'm not the only sickie around and that forgiveness is not for the other person, but for me, and when I am operating out of grace and forgiveness and love, it's really hard to stay stuck in the anger.
Steps 4, 5, 6 and 7 really have made a huge difference, especially, when it comes to all the anger.
I have found through personal experience and through work ( I teach anger management) that anger is a secondary emotion. For me it usually follows hurt or fear, it is easier and safer to be angry than to let someone know they have hurt me or that I am afraid. Those things make me vulnerable. Anger is safer than those things.
It took a very long time to be able to express anger effectively without damaging others or myself. Every time I am in a situation where it rears its head the first three things I ask myself are
Am I hungry? Am I tired? Am I in pain(physical)? All of these things for me make things seem so much larger than they are.
Depending on the situation the next thing I ask myself is: Do I wan't to be right(I love being right) or do I want to be happy? Depending on the situation I take it from there. Every day I learn a little more.
That's about all I have, new to al-anon myself ans learning.
Annie
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I too am afraid of letting go of my anger. I am afraid of setting myself up for more disappointment. Everything will feel good for awhile until the next time. I hate the cycle. Sorry I cna't offer any words of wisdom. Too new at this but I think it helps to know you are not alone
